Random Times
by Rani-Girl
Summary: It's basically a bunch of random one-shots about Death Note. Most will probably center around the Wammy boys, but not all. T just in case.
1. Getting in the Pool

**I obviously don't own the series. I should probably be working on my other DN story, but I wanted to try this.**

**In this one, it's slightly AU, since (other than Mello, I think) none of the Wammy children have seen L. The ages are-  
****Near: 6  
****Mello: 8  
****Matt: 8**

"No."

"Near, you have to learn how to swim."

"Actually, I don't. Swimming has nothing to do with solving cases unless I was put in a situation where I was forced into a body of water, in which the chances are slim."

"I see." L pressed his thumb to his bottom lip. He looked down into the the pool. On the shallow end several of the younger kids were learning to kick their legs and tred water. On the deep end even more of the children (who had already learned how to swim) were goofing off, having fun. Across the room on the other side of the pool was Matt, playing a video game. "Near, please follow me."

The two walked around the pool, avoiding the splashes of water heading their way.

Matt was soak and wet, wrapped in a towel, playing a video game. He glanced up at them warily before going back to his game.

"Why aren't you swimming?" L asked him.

"Mello thought it would be funny to dunk my head under water for a full minute."

"Oh, really? And where is Mello now?"

Near looked up at him. What was he doing? He wasn't going to -

"Over there," Matt pointed at the deep end of the pool.

The blonde was splashing several kids while dunking another under the water. Suddenly his arm shot up from out of the water and he looked at it. Another boy surfaced, gasping for air. Snarling, Mello splashed at him as he swam away before jumping on a another kid's back. They both fell under the surface. Mello popped back up, laughing. The other, when she came back up, punched him in the arm.

"Thank you, Matt. You've been a great help," L said quietly, still watching Mello as he grabbed Near's arm, preventing him from running off. "Mello!" he shouted.

Mello twisted around to look at him, surprised. The boy swam over to the side of the pool. "What is it?" He glared at Near, who tried to hide behind L. This was out of character, but Mello hardly noticed. "Does this have to do with him?"

"Yes."

"I'm out of here." He turned to swim away.

"But Mello," L seemed to almost whine, catching the boy's attention, "I thought you would enjoy the oppurtunity to push Near into the pool."

"What?" the blonde asked, stunned. He was going to _let_ him push that annoying freak into the pool? This had to be some sort of trick. Near was supposed to be on the shallow end, learning how to swim. If he drowned of something, Mello was going to be in big trouble.

Near turned to run off again, but was caught by the older man.

"Near's having trouble getting into the water. I figured that, since you don't like him and seem to enjoy physically hurting other children, you would 'help' him," he explained.

Mello climbed up the side, grinning devilishly, apparently forgetting his other thoughts. "Does it matter where he lands?"

L put his thumb against his bottom lip again. "Not really, as long it's in the pool."

Mello chuckled, then lunged at Near as the younger boy jumped away. He grabbed him by the arms, picking him up. The little freak squirmed around, trying to free himself. Mello swung him back and threw him into the pool.

L tilted his head. "I said push him, not throw him. Well, I guess it doesn't matter now."

Mello laughed. Near splashed around, trying to keep his head above the surface, gasping for breath.

"One more thing," the blonde looked at L, "don't let him drown. Either you can help him learn or bring over to the shallow end." L walked away, going to talk to Rodger before he had a chance to punish Mello.

The blonde blinked, comprehending that, and snarled.

"You might want to go get him," Matt commented, not looking up. "I don't think anyone else has noticed him yet."

Still seething, Mello jumped back into the water, intent on ditching the kid the second his feet could touch the bottom of the pool.

**In case anyone is wondering, I don't know why I made Near afraid to go into the water.**


	2. Stolen Chocolate

**There **_**might**_** be slight OOCness in this.**

"Near!"

Matt looked up from his video game as Near - suprisingly - ran past him, cupping his nose. Pausing his game and pocketing his gameboy, he reached out and grabbed Mello's arm just as he was about to run past him too. The blonde looked as if he might kill _him_ instead of Near.

"What's going on?" he asked, unfazed. "I don't think I've seen Near run away from you. - Or at all, really."

"That freak's done it now! Not only does he have to be the best, he _stole my last chocolate bar_!" Mello snarled, ripping his arm free. He ran down the hall after Near.

Matt wondered if he should follow. Mello did look like he would kill someone, but on the other hand his game was starting to get a little boring. He'd already beat it twice now. Making up his mind, he ran after the blonde.

He found Mello banging his fists on the younger boy's bedroom door. "Near!" shouted again. "Unlock the door!" He tried ramming it with his shoulder before noticing Matt. He scowled. "Don't just stand there, help me!"

Matt didn't get a chance to reply as another door down the hall opened. Linda stepped out of the room.

"Oh great," Mello growled. "Now _she's_ here."

Linda walked up to them. She was holding her sketch book and a sharpened pencil. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"None of your business!"

Linda turned to Matt.

"He says Near stole his last chocolate bar."

"What? Why would he do that, he never tries to antagonize you on purpose!" she said.

"'He never tries to antagonize you on purpose!'" Mello mocked in a high voice, snatching her pencil.

"Hey!"

He roughly pushed the sharpened end into the lock, breaking the tip. Swearing under his breath, he threw the pencil down.

"Mello!" Linda yelled.

He ignored her, stomping down the hall. He couldn't be giving up that easily. Mello hated the idea of letting Near win, he wouldn't just walk away because the door was locked. Matt watched him stomp into Linda's room. What was that going to accomplish?

"What are you doing?" she asked, following him into her room.

About a minute later Mello ran out of her room, Linda chasing him. "Stay out of there!"

"I just wanted a paperclip!" He bent the paper clip so one part was sticking out. He stuck the paperclip into the lock, twisting it and the handle around. The door opened a crack.

"I'm getting Rodger!" Linda ran off.

Mello threw the door open. Near was sitting in the corner, holding a bloody tissue to his nose.

"You already hit him?" Matt asked.

Mello ignored him. He stomped across the room. Near got up, running for the door. Mello jumped on him, tackling him to the floor. The two struggled around for a bit, getting covered in Near's nose blood. Mello tried punching him, only to be kneed in the stomach.

That was when Rodger sprinted into the room, pulling the two apart. Mello tried breaking free of his grasp, only to fail. Near sat up calmly, blood still gushing from his nose. Linda handed him the box of tissues on his bed.

"Thank you," he said.

"What is the meaning of this?" Rodger demanded.

"He stole my chocolate! It was my last one! I'm gonna kill him!" Mello shouted/explained.

"Why would Near steal your chocolate bars?" Rodger asked.

"I didn't," the youngest boy answered.

"Then why was the wrapper with your toys?" the older boy barked.

"Earlier today Matt was eating it the last of the candy bar and threw the wrapper on the floor."

All eyes turned to Matt. Mello gave him a deadly look. "I can explain?" he tried.

"I'll KILL YOU!" Mello shrieked, breaking away from Rodger.

Later that day Matt was in the hospital with a broken arm, Near's nose stopped bleeding, and Mello was receiving his punishment.


	3. L's Bath Time?

**This was inspired by the oneshot 'L One Day'. That's not a fanfiction, and I'm almost certain it's canon. Anyway, this came out a little weird in my opinion.**

**Oh, and on a random note, if anyone reads my other DN fanfic and is wondering when I'm gonna update, I'm writing it piece by piece. ... In other words I'm in the middle of writing it but I keep procrastinating.**

Eight year old L sat with his legs pressed against his chest, his thumb touching his bottom lip. He sat completely still, staring at the wall. He had spent the last hour doing just that. There was a knock on the door.

"Yes?" he called out.

"L? What are you still doing in there?" came Wammy's voice from outside the room.

"I told you; I'm taking a bath."

"Still?"

It had been three days since Wammy had brought the orphan to his orphanage. It was obvious that L was rather odd; on his first day he injured the other children in self defense and explained he was 'justice'. He then spent his time solving difficult puzzles and games instead of actually playing.

Wammy knew most children played while taking a bath, but considering it was L he didn't think he was just playing.

"Yes," L answered.

"What exactly are you doing, L?"

"Sitting."

Wammy unlocked the door and peeked inside. L _was_ just sitting. The tub was full of water, his clothes were on the floor, and L was just sitting there in the tub, doing absolutely nothing. His knees and upper body weren't even wet. His position prevented Wammy from seeing anything he shouldn't, so he stepped inside.

"Did you even wash yourself?" he asked.

"No."

"If you aren't going to get clean, then why did you want to take a bath?"

L looked up at the old man. "I like being clean. But I can't wash myself. I would be wasting brain power that I could be using for something more important, like a puzzle."

Wammy stared at him, dumbfound. Obviously the boy had to get clean somehow. Yet he refused to wash himself. He didn't expect someone else to clean him, did he?

"Well, if you don't wash yourself, then how do you expect to get clean?"

L shrugged, then turned his attention back to the wall.

Soon after Wammy invented a human washing machine for L. It would clean and even dry him. L didn't protest the idea at all. Instead he immediately took to it. The washing machine was the only way he took a bath for the rest of his life.

DN

"R-Ryuzaki...?"

"Hm, yes Light?"

"W-what _is_ that? A washing machine?"

"Well, it certainly looks like one, doesn't it?"

Light stared at the detective incrediously. THIS was his idea of bathing? What was wrong with taking a shower or bath? Of all the strange habits L had, this was the most ludicris! Then again, L was on the strange side of most things.

"Why - you don't actually - how - " Light had trouble getting his question out.

"You see, Light, I don't like taking showers or baths. Instead I use this," L explained quietly, as if it were nothing.

Making a face, Light held up his handcuffed wrist. "Well what about this?"

"...Your right. While I'm in there, we'll just have to handcuff you to Watari."

The old man, as if on cue, walked into the room, holding the key to the handcuffs. L must've thought of this before hand or Watari had realized this kind of situation woud happen when L came up with the idea. He unlocked L's wrist and put the handcuff on his own.

"Oh, and, you can't leave the room."

"What? Ryuzaki!" Light exclaimed.

"Don't worry, you can stare at the wall. Actually I'd prefer you do, I don't want you seeing me naked."

Light shuddered at the thought. Then he said, "This isn't going to happen when I have to take a shower, is it?"

"Of course not," the detective replied. "I'll stand outside the door. The chain should be long enough."

"I can't believe this happening," the youngest man muttered in annoyance, turning around.


	4. The Mouse

**Just so anyone knows, I personally believe my sense of humor is a little warped. If you didn't know already then you've been warned.**

**I don't know why but I wanted to write something about Near bonding with a rodent. (Don't ask why, because I just said I don't know.) It didn't quite come out that way... This is loosely related to chapter two. Also, the ages are the same.  
****Near- 7  
****Linda- 7  
****Mello- 8 (almost 9)  
****Matt- 8**

Near was alone in his bedroom, playing with one of his action figures. He was laying on his stomach on the floor, toy 'flying' around his head. He had a small smile on his face as he played.

"Get it!"

"I almost had it!"

"Ewww!"

"Cool! Can I keep it?"

"NO."

"Sometimes I wonder if you're really a girl. EW!"

Near frowned upon hearing the conversations outside his room.

"Matt's the one who brought it inside!" he heard Mello accuse.

"Did not! My arms's still broken from last week! Remember?" Matt responded.

"I already said sorry! And you have another hand!"

"THAT I play video games with! Which is harder now -"

"Both of you, stop bickering! Get it, T-" Rodger started before being interrupted by a loud crash.

"I call keeping it!" one of the girls shouted.

"NO! Where'd it go? Does anyone see it?" Rodger asked.

"There!" another boy called. "In Linda and Whats-Her-Name's room!"

"Yuck! And you know my name, you moron!"

Near glared at door until the sound of running feet faded away. He looked back at his action figure before doing a doubletake.

A small, red-eyed, white mouse was sniffing the air around his door. So that was what all the commotion was about. It must have crawled under the door during all the yelling. Another one was probably running around since Linda's room was five doors down. That or they were seeing things.

The mouse caught Near staring at it. It blinked, staring back. The young boy briefly wondered if it was male or female, then shoved the thought aside. That didn't really matter at all. He wondered who really had let mice in the building. He was guessing it was the girl who kept shouting that she wanted to keep it.

The best thing to do was to at least alert the search party outside where the vermin was. Or catch it himself. But instead - as the first would require him screaming, which he did not do, and the second meant he would have to get up and possibly run after it - he held his gaze. The red eyes really stood out from the white fur and carpet. Two tiny, crimsom orbs against pure white. It would be odd if it weren't normal. After all, it was just a mouse standing in his room.

The rodent suddenly darted towards his toy box. Near turned his head, watching it climb over one of his puzzle boxes, apparently trying to hide.

"Damn it, not in Linda's room."

"Mello, language! Did anyone see it?"

"No. Can I go back to my game now?"

"Matt, you ALWAYS play video games."

"Duh."

"Maybe it's hiding in his goggles! Give 'em!"

"You're insane! My goggles don't have rats in them!"

"No, it has mice!"

"Stop bickering! We're never going to find it at this rate..."

"Let's get some cheese!"

"Mice don't love cheese that much!"

"Fine, got a better idea, Mello?"

"Lay traps, put sticky paper down - "

"Let's use his chocolate!"

"TOUCH MY CHOCOLATE AND YOU'RE DEA-"

"I see it!"

"After it, before this crazy person steals my goggles!"

"That's not nice, Matthew!"

"It's not 'Matthew'!"

Eventually the footsteps faded away. Near sat up. The mouse was chewing on the corner of the box. Picking up a nearby die, he thew it towards the corner but not directly at the mouse. It darted across the room and under his bed. He lifted the covers, watching it sniff the air under one of the wooden boards.

Reaching out, he grabbed the mouse and pulled it out from under the bed. It bit his finger nail. He didn't feel it. Near twisted a lock of hair around his other index finger.

There was a knock on his door.

"..."

Whoever it was knocked again.

"..."

"Near?"

"What is it, Linda?" he finally called, now knowing who it was.

She opened his door. "I just wanted to tell you there's a mouse -" She stopped mid-sentence, eyes growing wide.

"I'm aware." He pulled his finger out of his hair.

"Uh -"

"Could you please close the door? The mouse might squirm out of my grasp any moment now and you would have to hunt for it again."

Linda closed the door after stepping inside. She giggled. Near raised an eyebrow. He'd expected her to leave and tell Rodger. Not come inside and laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"I-it's just kind of funny that the mouse blends in so well with you," she said, walking over and kneeling down beside him. She gently took the rodent from him, smiling slightly. It didn't attempt to bite _her_.

Near stared in confusion for almost two seconds before his face dropped into it's usual expression. "That mouse is yours, isn't it?"

She held the mouse to her chest. "Please don't tell anyone."

"Fine." He picked up another die, stacking it on another one. "But how did you get it in here?"

"I saw him outside. There might be a nest somewhere close by. I kind of like small animals and after a few hours, I found a cage somewhere..."

Near didn't understand why she sounded so embarressed. He continued stacking his dice into a small tower. He'd have to get more.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Besides keep your pet a secret? Depends on what it is," he answered. He wanted to be left alone soon. It wasn't that he particularly minded her around him, he just wasn't a very social boy.

"At some point could I draw you holding my mouse?"

He glanced at the rodent. "...It tried to bite me."

"Oh, well... Okay. Thanks for not telling anyway." He hadn't actually meant 'no', but let her take it that way. Blushing slightly, she put the vermin in one pants pocket and turned to leave.

"I'm telling you, Matt, it's probably with Near," came Mello's voice.

Linda froze.

"That girl tried to steal my goggles."

"Get over it, man! I'm trying to talk."

"This isn't my week. First my arm, then my gaming abilities thanks to said injury, now attempted theft. Why me?"

"Quit complaining. A mouse would find another mouse, I think, so obviously we have to check Near's room."

The door swung open, revealing a smirking Mello and an annoyed looking Matt. Mello frowned, raising an eyebrow. "What are you doing in here?" he asked, the question obviously for Linda.

"I was telling Near to look out for the mouse..."

"When you noticed that he had it?" the blonde continued, half joking.

The girl's cheeks turned dark pink. Mello's jaw dropped before he started laughing. "He DID have it! I bet he let it get away too! And you couldn't catch it either!"

"Or one of them is hiding it," Matt added.

"Yeah," the blonde agreed. "After all, the mouse is probably related to him. He would want to keep it safe. On the other hand, he could be hiding it with Linda. Unless she's scared of mice, she could be doing the same thing. She does have a crush on Near."

"I DO NOT!" Linda yelled at him, glaring.

"Sure you don't," he replied sarcastically. "You're only being nice."

"I am!"

It was at that moment that the vermin decided to climb out of her pocket. It fell to the floor with a 'thump'. Linda squealed.

"Get it!" Matt shouted eagerly. Without his video games, he needed _some_ sort of entertainment.

Mello ran forward, intent on capturing the mouse.

Unfortunately, he wasn't quick enough, for the small animal had already crawled up Near's sleeve. During the whole ordeal the small boy hadn't so much as looked up. He was too busy building, knocking over, and rebuilding small dice towers. He was in the process of picking up another die when the creature darted into his pajama sleeve. He froze, feeling it climb up his arm, over his shoulder, and poked it's head beside his neck.

Everyone stared, seemingly paralyzed. After a minute or two Mello started laughing again. Silence now broken, Matt joined in. Linda failed at surpressing a giggle. Frowning in annoyance, Near reached up, grabbing the mouse out of his collar. Standing up, he handed it to Linda.

"All of you: out," he ordered.

"Sorry, Near," Linda apologized.

"Just leave please."

"Now he thinks he can give orders," the blonde boy snorted.

"Why do you want us to leave all of a sudden?" Matt couldn't help but tease. "Embarressed that the mouse likes you a little too much?"

"No," the younger boy replied emotionlessly. "Just- " he twitched, "get out of my room."

Grinning devilishly, Mello grabbed him by his shoulders and forced him to turn around. There was a yellow stain running down the back of his shirt. The mouse had peed on him. "That's disgusting," Mello declared.

Near squirmed away from him, turning his back away from them. "I have to change."

"And bathe. That's just gross," Matt said, making a face.

"Let's go tell Rodger what we found," the chocoholic suggested.

"Yeah," the gamer agreed.

Both he and Matt ran out of the room.

"Ick," Linda muttered. "Sor-"

"It's okay, just leave," he interrupted.

"A-alright." With that she left the room, closing the door behind her.

She'd have to give up her little pet now, he thought, taking off the the soiled shirt. She COULD keep the rodent if she 'accidently' let it loose again and caught and hid it before anyone else found it. But he saw no reason to her that. Besides, the artist was smart herself. She might figure it out.

He pulled a clean pajama shirt out of his drawer, thoughts drifting to one of Mello's taunts. That was ridiculous, Linda was just being nice to him. If anyone was attracted to him, it was that annoying mouse.

**I wasn't intending to put Linda in this. Oh well, a lot of my ideas changed.**

**In case anyone actually cares (which I doubt) the pairing NearxLinda is growing on me and might appear in later chapters (emphasize on might), but I don't believe it'll ever be canon. She's just nice to him in the manga/used as a plot device to show that he doesn't really interact much or play with others. I'm not one of those fans that immediately sees two characters interact and decide their in love (no offense to people who are). The idea just sounds fun.**

**Next chapter might not be funny. Haven't decided yet. I don't know about you readers, but I can't see the 'General' rating in the descriptions and this isn't a mainly humor fanfic. Only most of them are. Heck, next one might be one of my rare non-Wammy boys oneshots. Or not. Haven't decided yet. Either might happen.**


	5. Sick Day

**Okay, so it's funny in my opinion (and slightly gross. You've been warned.) and not not related to the Wammy boys! (I love double negatives... I think that's what their called. Bleh, it's past fourth thirty in the morning, who cares.)  
****Ages-  
****Near: 8  
****Mello: 10  
****Matt: 10**

It was the time of year that the flu bug started going around. Usually some kids caught it while the rest remained healthy. But this time the flu hit Wammy's House hard. Nearly everyone, even a few members of the staff, had caught the sickness. Which meant that Rodger was busy dealing with all the sick children.

The only ones that hadn't caught the flu yet were Mello and Matt. They'd somehow avoided the virus, probably because Matt had barely left their room the past few days, playing video games, and Mello - well, he seemed to never get sick. And since there was no one to play/mess with, the chocoholic stayed in his room with Matt all day.

Mello threw the second game controller down, taking a bite of his chocolate bar. "Stupid game..." he muttered.

"Oh, come on, you only lost six times. No need to break my controller," Matt smirked.

Mello growled. "You do know I can beat you up in real life?"

He rolled his eyes, not responding.

There was a quick knock on the door before it opened.

"Whad'ya want, Rodger?" Mello asked, still annoyed.

"Just because lessons are canceled for today doesn't mean you get the day off. You two are helping with the others," he explained.

"What if we get sick?" Matt asked.

"If you two were going to get sick you would've by now. Now come along."

"This stinks," Mello muttered as they got up and moved towards the door. He was getting bored but it wasn't like he'd rather take care of a bunch of sick kids. "What do we have to do?"

"You'll be bringing the other children their lunches, help changing their bed sheets, ect."

"Yeah, that sounds fun," Matt said sarcastically.

"More like punishment for being healthy," the blonde replied.

"Both of you, be quiet! There are children trying to sleep." That and he didn't want to listen their complaining.

They went into the kitchen where the cooks were making lunches for the sick kids.

"When do we get to eat?" Matt asked, but Rodger was already gone.

"You two!" One of the cooks called the boys over to her. She handed each a bowl of chicken soup on a tray. "Take those to Near and Linda."

Mello scowled, turning to Matt. "You go to Near's room."

Not all worried for the sick albino's safety, the gamer retorted, "No. Linda's room is closer and I think I heard that she isn't puking yet."

"Near's repulsive enough when he's NOT sick. I'm not being around him when he is!"

"Too bad, I'm not dealing with a puking eight year old!" With that, Matt took off, spilling some of the bowl's content's onto the tray.

"Matt!" Mello snarled, following him.

Meanwhile, in his room, Near was trying to complete one of his puzzles.

He'd tried stacking dice, only to accidently knock down his towers before he wanted to. He tried playing with action figures, toy cars and tracks, and finger puppets only to grow bored quicker than usual. Playing his his puzzles was the only thing he hadn't done yet.

The problem was he couldn't concentrate. Near was feeling light-headed, causing him to put pieces together that wouldn't fit. It had taken him a half hour just to get a quarter of it done.

Near suddenly dropped the piece he was holding. He keeled over, holding his stomach. He jumped up, holding his moth shut with one hand, ran into the bathroom, and threw up in toilet. He'd been given a bucket to throw up, in case he couldn't reach the bathroom at any time, but he figured that the smell would cause him to throw up again.

He shook violently before throwing up again. Shivering while flushing the toilet, the boy figured he ought to lay down. He went back into his room and got into bed.

"MATT! DON'T YOU -"

Linda's door slammed shut. Mello stopped. Great, now he got to deal with Near.

He walked down to the end of the hall, where Near's room was. He opened the door. The kid was sleeping.

He was about to set the food on the floor when a thought occured to him. Smirking, Mello walked up to his bed annd set the tray next to Near's feet. Taking the bowl, he leaned it towards the younger boy's face. Mello chuckled.

Near's eyes shot open. Reflexes caused him to sit up quickly, knocking the soup away from him.

Mello shrieked when the bowl flew into the air, the hot food spilling on his head and Near's blanket. "HOT!" He ran around the room like an idiot for about ten seconds before heading straight for the bathrom for a towel.

Near watched him the entire time. When the blonde ran into the bathroom he looked down at the bowl and made a disgusted face. If he ate something he was sure he'd throw it back up.

"Near, you're not dead, are you?" Matt joked, popping his head into Near's room. He was waiting for Mello before going back to 'work'. Matt saw the mess on the floor. Had Mello really killed Near? He looked up. The other stared at him. He looked tired and his face was paler than usual. But definately alive. "Where's Mello?"

The eight year old pointed to his bathroom.

Matt blinked. "He's not sick, is he?"

Near, too tired to really answer, shrugged, and fell back on his pillow.

Mello stomped back into the room. His clothes were stained with soup. "I'll kill you!" he yelled, about to lunge at the already-asleep boy.

Shaking his head for thinking other-wise, Matt yanked Mello out of the room, dragging him away. The older boy contined to yell, causing a few kids to open their doors and peek outside.

"Really, Mello, shut - " Matt suddenly let go of him, running away, holding a hand over his mouth.

The other shut up, watching him run into the closest bathroom, and scowled. His friend had to be faking it. No one could get sick that fast. He have to help Rodger on his own if his act was bought. He smirked. Unless he faked being sick too.

**Yeah, I know the ending stinks. Personally, the whole thing is strange to me.**


	6. Halloween

**Ever heard of Christmas in July? Ever heard of**_** Halloween **_**in July? Yeah, out of season, I know, but I couldn't not write it down. I'd forget by October. Oh, and Beyond Birthday makes an appearance.  
****Ages-  
****L: 17  
Mello: 6 (almost seven)  
****Matt: 6  
****Near: 5  
****BB: 15**

"Why does _he_ have to come with us?" the little blonde devil complained.

"Because," L stated, "that was the deal. I'll only go trick-or-treating with you if Near comes along too."

"Don't you have a case or something?" Matt asked, only out of curiousity.

"No, I just finished one yesterday and will start another tomorrow. You don't expect me to work on my birthday, do you?"

"Yes."

"...That was last year. Besides, this'll probably be the last year I can get candy from strangers."

The three boys were waiting in the hall outside Near's room. Mello was dressed as a red devil and holding a plastic pitchfork and a pillowcase. Matt was sitting on the floor holding a plastic bag instead of a video game for once, dressed as a zombie. (He also still had his goggles on.) In between them, leaning against the wall and holding a pillowcase, was L. His 'costume' was his usual outfit with the addition of a red bow-tie. When asked what he was, he shrugged.

"Why can't he stay here like every year?" Mello continued. "Or make him go with someone else, or better yet, by himself!" (Maybe some family would kidnap him forever.)

"You know that we can't leave on Halloween without someone. That way if one of us gets kidnapped or murdered the other one can testify at court," Matt grinned.

"That's... more or less true," L agreed. "And to answer your other questions, everyone else has already left and he never goes outside. A five year old ought to get some fresh air at least once a year."

The bedroom door opened. An unhappy Near followed by Watari came out. Mello and Matt burst out laughing at his costume. From the long ears to a painted pink nose, and a fluffy white tail, it was obvious Watari had forced Near into a bunny costume.

"Can we please get this over with?" the bunny asked in a monotone voice.

"Where are you gonna put your candy?" the miniture zombie asked instead, noticing he didn't have a bag.

"You three can have my candy."

"I call everything chocolate!" Mello shouted, happy there was now a benefit to bringing his rival along.

"While that's very generous, Near, you still have to carry your candy in something until we get back," L told him. "Do you want a bag or pillowcase?"

"Bag," he muttered quietly, obviously as opposed to this as Mello had been.

Soon the four of them were out of the building and in a nearby neighborhood. Children were scattered around everywhere, eagerly going door-to-door. And who wouldn't if it meant free candy?

"Chocolate! That house is giving out chocolate! I see the old hag giving out chocolate bars!" Mello screeched.

"Let's hope she didn't hear you," L mumbled as Mello and Matt ran up the yard.

"Come on!" one of them yelled.

"Can I go back after this?" Near asked as they followed.

"Do you have a particular reason why you would want to?"

"...I have a new puzzle and I'm dressed as a bunny," he answered, slightly bitter.

"Well, if you had picked out a costume earlier we wouldn't have the second problem. You can play with your puzzle later."

Luckily, the old woman hadn't heard Mello's comment. The two boys stood on her porch, watching the chocolate bars drop into their bag/pillowcase. When L and Near appeared behind them, she smiled and gave the younger boy one.

"Trick-or-treat," L said.

"Aren't you a little old?" she asked, eyeing him warily.

"I'm only seventeen and it's my birthday."

Glaring, she reached behind the door and pulled a bag of strawberries out. She thrust it in his direction. "I'm out of apples." The old woman did a doubletake when he took it gleefully before slamming the door.

His face dropped back into his usual expression. "Next house."

"Why are you happy about getting fruit?" the little devil asked, somewhat annoyed.

"Strawberries taste good. Especially on cake," was his answer.

The next dozen houses gave out a variety of candy to the younger boys, including licorice, gummy worms, hershey kisses, ect. Three of them refused to give L anything, one gave him an apple, and another gave him a weird look as he handed him a lolipop. The other seven didn't care.

A couple commented on their costumes and/or asked what L was. Most were compliments, the only one not being when Mello demanded chocolate instead of gumballs. ("Brat. A devil costume suits you.")

"The next house is past those woods," Matt observed.

"Then let's go already!" Melllo grabbed his arm, pulling him forward.

Half-way past the trees a figure dressed as a vampire and had what looked like real blood smeared on his face jumped out of the trees and onto the sidewalk in front of them, hissing loudly. Mello screamed, Matt yelped, Near jumped (whether it was from the two boys or the vampire, no one knew) and L remained expressionless.

"Hello, B."

"Ba-B?" Matt stuttered, he and the blonde hugging in fear.

"Oh god. He finally killed someone. I told you we should've locked him in the basement!"

"Heh heh, it's fake blood and jam, kid," the fifteen year old smirked, licking his lips. He frowned menacingly. "You told what?"

"Nothing!"

"Where's your partner, Beyond?" L asked emotionlessly.

"If you recall, A killed himself seven or eight years ago."

"Who?" Matt asked.

"What?" Mello shrieked, holding the plastic pitchfork as if to defend himself.

"Why?" Near dead-panned.

Mello elbowed him in the ribs.

"You see -" B started but was interrupted by L.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Off with his friends. He didn't want to scare little kids. Which is fine with me, the pansy would've detracted from the scare." He flashed a smile, showing off his pastic fangs. He peered over L's shoulder. "Well, you should get going. I see some other fresh meat that needs scaring. Don't warn 'em." He ran back into the trees.

"He's so weird, it's scary," Matt muttered to Mello. "Who puts fake blood and jam on his face at the same time?"

The blonde glared, pushing him away. "THAT'S what you're worried about?"

"Shoo!" they heard BB hiss.

Rolling his eyes, L grabbed Near's hand and pushed the other two forward.

The rest of the night went without problem (unless you count Near's look at being called cute for the hundredth time a problem) and they soon returned to Wammy's House.

"That was degrading," the bunny muttered, holding his bag out just before Mello swiped it. Pulling the ears off his head, he walked away, hoping to get out of the costume and back to his new puzzle as soon as possible.

"I want the candy cigarettes he got," Matt said.

Digging through the bag, Mello found the candy cigarettes and threw them toward his friend. After taking everything chocolate out and giving Matt a few other pieces of candy, he handed the bag to L.

"Thank you."

"Are you staying the night, L?" Mello asked as th older boy sat down on the couch.

"I might as well. Besides, someone has to go find B if he's not back by mid-night," he answered, emptying the rest of the candy on his lap.

Mello froze. "Oh no. Think he still remembers what I said?" he asked Matt.

He shrugged, pretending the candy cigarette in his mouth was real. "You might wanna sleep with a baseball bat or something tonight. He might hide under your bed like last year."

"Oh, I doubt that." L yanked the bow-tie off. "He's being locked in his room once he returns tonight. We don't want him scaring the other children in their sleep tonight like he's been doing the past week."

"Why didn't we hear about that?" Matt asked.

"Well, it was the younger kids, who just claimed that it was boogie man. That's most likely why."

"If it was supposedly the boogie man, how do you know it was B?"

"There were traces of strwaberry jam in the last one's room. He also laughed manically when confronted."

"Hm. Hey, L?" Matt asked. "What are the chances that B already crawled through someone's window and is hiding in their room or will?"

Before the detective could answer, Mello jumped up and ran down the hall. Matt grinned.

"You don't want an answer, do you?"

"Depends. Is it high enough to scare Mello when and if he doesn't find anyone in our room?"

**That's that. I haven't actually read the LABB Cases novel yet, but I'm hoping to soon. I don't really know if BB would scare little children for amusement, but I like to at least pretend he would. I know some teenagers do. Why I made Mello really scared of him - don't know. I'll probably have him grow out of it in a later oneshot.**


	7. Loser

**READ AUTHOR NOTE:**

**NOT INTENDED TO HAVE HUMOR. NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY. SKIP THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT NEAR HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN. This is one of my rare oneshots that's not supposed to be funny. If your sadistic enough to find it funny, good for you. If your not into this kind of stuff and just want read for laughs, skip this entire chapter and go to the next. And don't flame about it. I've warned you before that it's not an entirely humorous fic.**

Near was on the floor, in a fetal position, eyes wide, thumb to his mouth as if he were going to suck it. How had things escalated this far? He never meant for any of the events of the day to go as wrong as it had. He thought he had thought of every possible action that could be used in retaliation or what could happen to change the plan from Plan A to Plan B. But not this. This had never come to mind because it WAS impossible. In fact, it was ridiculous.

Yes, ridiculous. So ridiculous that it couldn't be real. And that meant a lot, considering that Near never paniced and he had never seen a situation as unreal before. Even the Kira case, the thought of Shinigami and a killer notebook, any normal person would write that off as imaginary. Yet with little (if any) internal struggle he'd ended the case. Light Yagami was dead. But THIS was far more than the Kira case had been. This was more unnatural, more chaotic, and the criminal was much more craftier and clever than Light had been.

He'd must have been starting crack, as Near actually let out a small crackle at his next thought. He remembered finding Mello's notes about Beyond Birthday. The original second successor to L. He had lived in and left Wammy's before he'd had arrived. Or was it just after coming arriving at Wammy's that B had left? He didn't remember anymore. The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases had been a personal case for L. B sought to surpass L by becoming the opposite; the world's greatest _criminal_. Now that he thought about, Mello and B were somewhat alike, though not entirely. The thought that actually made him crackle was that if you mixed every one of the Kiras and Beyond together, they would only be half as good as this criminal.

His hopeless smile faded away as he thought about the events that had recently unfolded and whimpered. Near, the third L, the true successor to the original L, who's emotions could only be seen by rare facial expressions, _whimpered_. That NEVER happened.

"Nate..." a sickenly sweet female voice cooed.

'_Oh no_.'

_Her_.

Near could feel sweat form on his forehead.

"Nate..."

It was closer this time. She was coming. No... He had never felt like a hopeless, scared, little boy before. Not once in his life. Sometimes startled, but never like _this_. For gosh sakes! He was almost nineteen now. He shouldn't feel this helpless or scared, even if he was in this situation.

There had to be a way to win, after all. There had to be a way. If not, if he was cornered, like he was now, then he was just a...

"Nate... You should know better than to run from me... To hide from me..."

The door opened. His back was to her but he could see her shadow against the wall. He could see her weapon in one hand and the severed heads of his agents in the other. Near flinched. He flinched again when she dropped the heads with no regard whatsoever for anything.

"Nate River."

She took slow steps towards him. Why? Was she hoping he would stand up? That he would try to fight or run again? Or that he would aknowledge her properly instead of just react to her actions? Or maybe it was in anticipation of what was to come?

He could feel tears running down his face and let out a sob as everything crashed down him. He walked into a trap, his whole plan had fallen apart, more people had died than he had anticipated or wanted, HE was about to die too, and - he was nothing but a loser.

"Don't cry, Nate..." she cooed, kneeling down and lightly touching his cheek, as if being affectionate. "It'll all be over soon."

Near didn't want to but he couldn't stop himself from turning his head to look at her. His mother's face - whether it was real or not, whether he even remembered his mother's face or not didn't matter - smiled down at him.

"For the second time - goodbye Nate."

A sickening scream shot through the halls of the HQ building before it was abruptly silenced.

Near screamed as he awoke, sitting up straight. Breathing heavily once he stopped, he realized it was only a dream. He was alive, his agents were alive, everyone was alive. He wasn't a loser and his mother wasn't around. That case in the dream, whatever it was, wasn't even real. What an awful dream.

Dreams rarely provoked a reaction out of Near, let alone screaming. But the emotions of the dream just seemed so real... He pushed the thought away. It was just a dream and didn't mean anything.

Well, he wasn't going be getting anymore sleep for now. He might as well get up and find a new case to solve. Or play with his toys. Not because he was scared, it was just that he had been asleep for almost nine hours. That was enough sleep.

Near tried to keep the entire memory of the dream out of his mind throughout the day, even as pieces faded away in his subconscious. He would _NOT_ be so childish and pathetic as to dwell on a nightmare.

Yet, though he would never admit it to anyone and maybe even himself, the thought of sinking that low in a case, to become that scared, that hopless, just a loser - it did scare him a little.

**Ending is a little weak in my opinion. Who agrees/disagrees?**


	8. Learn to Walk

**I think of this as being set before Mello started feeling inferior to Near (or finding out he was actually smarter). Slight AU and possible OOCness.  
Ages-  
L- 14  
BB- 12  
Mello- 4  
Near- 2**

"What on earth are you two doing?" B asked, looking at the three strangely. He had been on his way to kitchen to find some jam when he saw them.

The new kid - what was his alias again? The white puff ball with 'Nate River' floating above his head - sat on his butt a couple feet away from where L was crouching down, holding his arms out, and that Mello kid was waving around a toy robot. The baby just stared at the two with a curious expression.

"Attempting to get Near to walk," L answered B.

Right, that was the furball's alias. Near.

"Come on, Near," the young detective coaxed, voice slightly higher than usual. "Come to L."

"Want the robot?" the four year old blonde asked. "Go to L!"

Near cocked his head to the side, not moving from his spot on the floor.

B shook his head. "And you people call me weird." Walking away, he returned to hunt for jam, not caring why the two would bother with the task.

"Ignore him, Mello," L said. "We will get Near to walk."

"I don't know. We've been at it for more than an hour," the toddler said doubtfully.

"Neeeaar," he almost cooed.

That was when -finally! - the two year old stood up. He got on all fours and attempted to balance himself on just his legs.

"That's it!" The two smiled.

His legs wobbled for a moment before he fell back on his butt. Near stared at them.

L's eye twitched. He put his head in his hands, groaning.

"It's, uh, okay?" Mello tried, patting the older boy's back.

"L?" Near suddenly looked ready to cry. He was, after all, only two.

"'Ay, Shrimp. Fetch." A rubix cube was thrown across the room, rolling to a short stop a couple feet to the baby's left.

Suddenly distracted from his mentor's distress, Near stared at the cube-shaped puzzle, eyes wide. Smiling widely and gurgling happily, he attempted to stand again. He lost his balance but held out his arms to land on fours. He tried again, this time managing to walk two steps before stumbling again. The cycle was repeated twice before he landed once again on his butt, this time in front of the rubix cube. Picking it up, he began twisting the sides.

Mello gaped while L turned, wide eyed, to the door. The twelve year old shrugged, sticking one hand in the jar held in his other hand.

"What?" B asked. "Isn't that how he got in here? By solving a bunch of those in less than five minutes? He must like them."

"But we tried that earlier," the young detective murmured.

"Heh heh, guess he likes me better. That or he got bored with you two just now."

"Either way, if he's anything like you," the four year began. The older boys looked at him. "Then I don't wanna be near the kid."

"You don't want to be near Near if he's like B?" B smirked. "But Mello, I thought we were just starting to be friends."

"You hid in my closet the day I got here then jumped out and screamed at me when I opened the door!"

"That was eight months ago. Can't you forget? I thought kids were supposed to have short attention spans." He shrugged when Mello glared at him. "Point is, the puff ball walked. Go eat your chocolate you stole from L already."

"What?" L head snapped towards him.

"He's lying!" Mello shouted, pointing at B.

B giggled, scooping more jam out of the jar.

Finishing his rubix cube, Near looked at the three other people in the room. The blonde and the jam-eating one were arguing over something. The one that looked like the jam-eater listened to them, saying something every so often.

He had only been in this place for three days but it was already clear to the two year old that everyone was a little strange.

He wondered if he should try walking again to get away from these people. Near soon decided to against it when he saw the toy robot the blonde had dropped. Crawling over, he picked it up. No one noticed him. Crawling away, Near decided toys were better than people for at least the moment.

**Alright, this one was actually inspired by a picture I found on deviantart . com (sp?). I didn't draw it and I don't claim to own it. The only similarities that I kept were L and Mello failing to get Near to walk, Near's legs wobbling, Mello holding a toy and attempting to comfort L, and Near looking like he was gonna cry. (Wow, that's actually quite a bit of the story). Anyway, all credit (mentioned or forgot to mention) that rightfully belongs to the artist belongs to the artist.**

**I highly recommend looking up the picture. Although I forget what it's called... I just put into the search bar on the website 'Death Note Near' and searched the pages. You should be able to find it. If not, I don't know what to tell ya.**


	9. Tea Party

**This was kind of fun to write. They all are, but this was...I don't know. It was just was. On an unrealted and unimportant note, I got How to Read 13 and the BB Muder Cases novel yesterday and finished the BB one today! :)  
Ages:**  
**Mello - 9**  
**Matt - 9**  
**Near - 7**

Twisting a lock of hair around his finger, Near stared into his room blankly.

All in all his room looked fine. The bed was made, his completed puzzles were scattered around the floor while the untouched ones were still in their boxes, his dice was stacked into towers and so were his legoes. The only thing out out of order were his action figures. They were missing.

Right before leaving he had left them out to play with after lunch. All six of them were missing from the edge of his bed where had left them. It was highly unlikely someone had come into his room and put them away. He knew if he checked the toy box it would be empty.

Someone must have taken them.

It might have been Mello; after scoring a percent lower than him on a quiz earlier the blonde had been seething with rage. Not to mention he was six minutes late for lunch. He could have snuck into his room, stolen his action figures, and thrown them out the window, broken them and flushed them down the toilet, ect. On the other hand if he had broken the Near's toys he would have just left them behind for Near to see. And although other senarios were possible, Matt hadn't been with him at lunch and he kept looking around for the gamer, which could also be the reason he was late.

Matt could have done it, but unlike Mello he didn't really have much against Near and wouldn't have the motivation. Unless Mello told him too, but the blonde would have rather ruin his stuff by himself or with Matt, not just Matt. Then again, the gamer could have been caught while Mello ran off. No, he wouldn't do that.

No one else really came into his room. It was possible one of the younger kids had come in looking for a toy to play with. One of Near's toys. But that didn't make much sense as there was an entire playroom full of toys such as action figures.

"Matt!" Near turned around. Mello was walking down the hall, yelling his friend's name, eating choclate (as usual). "Matt!"

"Hello, Mello," Near greeted.

"Shut it," he growled.

"Are you looking for Matt?"

"No, the tooth fairy," he answered sarcastically.

Near raised an eyebrow in confusion. Mello rolled his eyes.

"My action figures are missing," he continued, choosing to ignore the remark.

"Well it wasn't me that took them," the other growled, growing impatient. "I've been searching for Matt since class ended. Besides, if I wanted to ruin your toys, I would've kicked your towers down this morning."

Near almost glared. He didn't like people knocking over his towers. Deciding to ignore that for now, he went on, "Matt just disappeared with no explaination? He didn't tell you where he was going?"

"How about you shut your mouth before I shut it for you!"

"There's no need for threats or violence right now, Mello."

He glared at the younger boy for a moment. "What? You think Matt stole your toys? Sorry to break it to you, but he only likes electronics."

"I'm just saying it's possible that my missing action figures could be related to your missing friend," Near said.

The blonde fumed, taking another bite of the chocolate bar. "No. He doesn't care about your stupid toys and - "

"HELP!" A door slammed loudly down the hall.

"That sounded like Matt," Near observed.

Ignoring him, Mello stomped down the hallway, wanting to find his friend and get away from Near already. Near followed a few paces behind. The chocoholic kicked open a few doors and was yelled at by other kids.

He kicked another door open. A table and chairs were set up in the middle of the room. On the table was plastic plates and tea cups, filled with cookies and water. Sitting in the chairs were three five or six year old girls, a teddy bear, Matt, and three of Near's action figures. The other three were under the table. That wasn't the horrific part.

Matt was duck taped to his chair, a gag tied around his mouth, and had been forced into a pink, frilly dress over his clothes and heels on his feet. All six action figures were dressed in doll dresses, jewelry, and hats. (The girls were dressed normally.)

Near grimaced at the sight of his toys. Mello's eye twitched and his mouth was clamped shut. Near couldn't tell if he was trying not to laugh or scream.

"Ooo, more guests!" one of the girls squealed.

"Can I have my toys back without their... dresses?" Near asked.

"Sure, and he can go too." Another girl jerked her thumb towards Matt.

"AFTER the tea party," the third said firmly.

"We'll have to get more chairs for our new guests," the second said.

"Yeah," the other two agreed.

"I still have more dresses to put on them," the first said.

"You get the dresses and I'll get the chairs. You can go get them," the third said to the first then second girl.

Mello gave Matt a look. "Sorry Matt. Every man for himself!" He took off. Matt said something into the gag, it sounded both angry and pleading.

She ran after the blonde, shoving Near into the room. Near fell on his knees and looked up at the younger girls. Judging by the fact that they had Matt duck taped, he figured there was getting out of this and no use struggling. Soon the girl came back, dragging Mello, who was holding...a part of himself...in pain.

Later on Mello and Near were also duck taped to their chairs, Mello the only one of the two with a gag. Both were wearing dresses over their clothes, Near's blue, Mello's pink and covered in flower designs. Unlike Matt's, these weren't frilly. Since there was only one pair of heels, the two were allowed to have barefeet. Mello's chocolate was pulled apart and stacked onto a plastic plate.

"Chocolate, Misses Fluffy-kins?" the third girl asked the stuffed bear. When it didn't answer she turned to Matt. "What about you, Lady Maddie?" The other girls giggled. Matt groaned.

"Ms. Girly-bot needs more tea," the first said, pouring more water into the teacup of one of Near's toys.

"What do you think of the cookies, Princess Mellow?" the second girl asked.

Mello's angry response was muffled by the gag.

"What about you, Duchess Near and Queen Robot-Doll?" the third asked Near and the action figure next to him.

"Lovely," he lied. He couldn't even pick anything up with his arms tied to the chair.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in!"

Rodger opened the door. "Have you seen Mello or Matt-" He saw the scene. Matt stared at him with pleading puppy dog eyes, Mello scowled, and Near looked at him expectantly.

"We're having a tea party," the first girl announced.

"I...see that. In any case, Mello and Matt are late for detention. You'll have to let them go now." The two boys never looked so happy to go to detention.

"Do Duchess Near and his toys get to stay?" the third girl asked in a pleasant tone, hoping to at least keep them.

"Uh... If he agrees."

"No. I want to leave," Near said flatly.

The girls pouted.

"Are we in trouble?" the second asked.

"I'll think of a punishment later. Right now, just untie them," he said.

The tape and gags were taken off. All three boys tore off the dresses (and heels). The older two hurridly ran out of the room (after Mello grabbed the plate of choclate). Near began pulling the accessories off his toys.

"No fair, we didn't even gag you!" the third girl screeched, pointing at him.

"True, but you took my action figures without my permission and kept me taped to a chair in here while in a dress."

"If we ask next time can we have - "

"No." Holding all six toys in his arms, the boy quietly left the room.

Rodger sighed. "You three. To my office. Now."

Meanwhile, somewhere else in the building, Mello and Matt stopped running.

"Thanks for trying to leave alone with them," Matt said sarcastically.

"I didn't want be in a dress!" he defended himself.

"Point taken, _Princess_." The gamer smirked. "Wanna skip detention?"

"Sure. Why be tortured twice in one day? But how did they get you?" Mello asked.

"They're evil. They stole my gameboy. I chased them into the one's room and was locked in. I got my gameboy back before they brought the dress out. But by them they'd already locked the door." He shuddered.

"Let's never speak of this again."

"Agreed."


	10. Linda and Near

**Some NearxLinda fluff. Nothing too serious, I love the pairing, but trying to come up with this chapter was my first real attempt at fluff. I don't really think there's much humor in this one, so sorry if you're disappointed. I'll have a more humorous one out soon.  
I think of this as taking place about a month or two before L dies. (I'm still hate that...)**  
**WARNING: A certain three lettered word that starts with 's' and ends in 'x' is mentioned twice.  
Ages-  
Near: 13  
Linda: 13  
Mello: 14 (almost 15)  
Matt: 14**

"Can you go outside, please?" Linda pleaded.

"No. We've been over this, Linda," Near said.

"But you never go outside! It would be good for you to get out in the sun!"

"If I wanted to sit in the sun I would sit in front of an open window."

She huffed, crossing her arms, and leaning towards him. "_Please_."

"No. Why can't you take my answer like every other time?" he asked, inching away from her.

"I've been patient so far, now I want you to come outside and play." She followed him.

"No. I'm busy with a puzzle." He scooted away a few more inches.

"A puzzle you've put together ten times now!" Again, she scooted closer.

"So? I like this puzzle." Near was starting to feel uncomfortable. "I don't enjoy being outside."

"How would you know if you never go out?" She backed away, seemingly sensing his discomfort.

Near relaxed. "There's nothing for me to do outside. I don't enjoy outside activities and all my toys and puzzles are inside."

"I see... Can't you bring them outside? Sit in the shade and play?" she tried again.

"I would have to bring them back in afterwards. Why waste the engery?"

Linda frowned, inching closer to him again. Near's back hit the wall. She folded her hands in front of her chest, her expression changing to puppy dog eyes. "Please~"

"No."

Huffing again, she sat up straight. "Fine."

Once again, Near relaxed. Maybe now he could get on with finishing his puzzle for the eleventh time. Unfortunately for him, this was not meant to be. Linda grabbed his arm, standing up.

"If you won't come outside I'll drag you out!"

"Linda!" he snapped, trying to pull away as she pulled him forward. "Stop that!"

"Then come outside!"

"NO."

Linda managed to drag him about three feet before he finally gave up. At the same time, she attempted to pull him with more force. The result: Near flew off the ground, crashed into Linda, both of them falling to the floor, Near on top of her. Her face turned bright pink. Using his hands, he pushed his upper half up. He was still in the process of getting off of her completely when the door opened.

Matt grinned and Mello grimaced.

"I think I'm about to throw up," Mello groaned.

"Shouldn't you two get a room?" Matt teased.

He rolled off her. Linda sat up, blushing even more. "This isn't w-what it looks like!"

"You know, everytime I said you liked him, was his girlfriend, etcetera, I WAS _JOKING_!" Mello shouted.

"I wonder how long until little mini- Lindas and Nears are running around," Matt said childishly.

"Shut up, Matt!" Mello and Linda yelled at the same time.

"That's not what happened!"

"Do not put that image in my head! I can hardly stand one of him, let alone - bleh..."

Matt laughed.

"I don't understand," Near said. "How can you think we were having sex if we're both fully clothed?"

Linda's face turned crimson at the word 'sex', Matt continued to laugh, and Mello turned green from the mental images that entered his brain from that sentence.

"Well, you could have just been getting st- " the game addict started to explain before Linda stood up and slammed the door closed.

"Th-that was so embarressing," she almost whispered. She turned to look at him. "I guess you still don-"

"If it really means that much to you, I'll put the puzzle together outside," he interrupted.

"Really! Why are you changing your mind now?" she asked, stunned. She didn't think if he didn't want to go outside with her before, he definately wouldn't want to after THAT.

He shrugged, choosing not to answer. He picked up the pieces, put them back into the box, and picked it up, standing. "I'm not staying out for long. Probably for about five minutes."

Linda smiled, opening the door. That was fine by her, as long as he went outside. The other two boys had already left, letting them walk down the hall in peace. "Those two are kind of annoying," she commented. Her and Near? That would only happen in her dreams.

"I just ignore them."

"I just can't believe they thought we were - I mean, we're thirteen!" she continued, stomach jumping at the thought.

"Hm."

"It's just ridiculous. Those two jump to conclusions too much and -"

Thunder boomed outside. Linda looked out the window, eyes wide, the incident now forgotton. 'Please no,' she thought, 'I just got him to agree -' Rain started pouring outside. Her shoulders slumped. Why now?

"I suppose we'll have to stay inside," Near said. "Sorry, Linda. Some other time, maybe."

"Yeah, I guess," she muttered, crestfallen.

He rolled his eyes at her expression. Leaning forward, he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before turning around towards the playroom. Blushing profusely, she placed a hand on her cheek, smiling. She hadn't gotton him outside but that was definately better.

**This pairing needs more love. XD None-the-less, I have no idea if there'll be anymore fluff-centered oneshots. I'll probably just imply it unless I decide otherwise/enough people encourage me. And to anyone who's going to ask, I don't do yoai, so don't expect any MattxMello, MelloxNear, NearxMatt, LxLight, ect.**

**Lastly, before I forget, thanks for all favorites/alerts/reviews!**


	11. Strange Yagami Home Videos

**This is one of my few non-Wammy Boys oneshots. This mostly about Light and Sayu. Once again I believe my sense of humor is warped. Possible OOCness You have again been warned.**

L watched the Yagami family through security cameras with Mr. Yagami. At the moment Light and Mrs. Yagami were out, leaving Sayu home alone. She was in the living room, digging through a box of movie cases and tapes. Apparently finding the right tape, she put it in the VCR and pressed 'play'.

"I wonder what Sayu's watching," Mr. Yagami murmured.

"We'll find out soon," L answered.

After a few moments the T.V. screen showed a piece of card board labled, 'Yagami Home Videos' in blue marker. It looked as if a five year old had written it.

"Oh no," Mr. Yagami whispered, now horrified.

The tape cut to a scene in the kitchen. The kitchen was filled with party ballons and streamers. Sitting on the counter was a cake with one lit candle on it. In the room was a younger Mr. Yagami (who did not have glasses at the time), his wife, and who he assumed were relatives. Sitting in a high chair was a little baby boy.

"Is that Light?" he asked.

"His first birthday," the older man answered, slightly embarressed.

Everyone sang Happy Birthday. After that Mrs. Yagami cut a piece of the cake, the candle in the center of it, put it on a paper plate before setting in front of Light.

"Blow out the candle, Sweetie," she encouraged.

Baby Light stared at the candle as if it were an animal; curious yet uncaring. Focusing on the flame, he cocked his head. Giggling, he reached out and grabbed the top of the candle. The flame burned his hand, causing him to cry out.

"Oh no, Light!" Mrs. Yagami quickly pulled Light's hand off the candle. Mr. Yagami took the cake away.

The scene skipped to the living room, baby Light's hand bandaged. His parents and relatives were sitting on the couch. He was holding a raddle with a bow tied to the neck, shaking it around. Everyone went 'Awww'. Then he threw the raddle at his father, hitting him right in the eye. Mr. Yagami cursed, holding his head.

"I don't mean to be rude, but is that the reason for - " L started.

"No," he snapped, interrupting.

The scene changed to a hospital. Mrs. Yagami was lying ina hospital bed, holding a tiny, pink bundle. No doubt, Sayu. Three year old Light climbed over the side of the bed, crawling on his mother's legs.

"Can I see my bruver?" he asked, saying 'brother' wrong.

"This is you're sister, Sayu," came Mr. Yagami's voice.

Mrs. Yagami adjusted the bundle so the siblings could see each other's faces. They stared at each other, unblinking. Suddenly they both started wailing and bawling.

Once again, the scene changed.

Light, a few years older, raced down the stairs, a backpack on his back. "School! School! School!" he yelled.

"Settle down, Light. We know you're excited," his mother laughed from behind the camera.

"But I wanna go to school now!" Light raised his right leg, stomping his foot angerly.

"School doesn't start for another forty-five minutes," Mr. Yagami said, the camera 'walking' towards the kitchen. Baby Sayu was sitting in a high chair, her father feeding her baby food.

Light followed, walking up to his father. "Make time go faster."

"That's impossible, Light."

"Mite~!" Sayu exclaimed upon noticing the miniture Light.

"It's 'Light'!" he shouted. "Not 'Mite'! You would know that if you were a boy!"

"Stupid Mite," the real Sayu laughed. "What do you know? Girls are naturally smarter."

"Where did she get that idea?" L wondered aloud. "I don't remember ever reading or hearing about a legitimate source that stated that."

"Be nice to your sister," Mrs. Yagami scolded.

"Yes, Mommy."

"MITE~!" Sayu flipped the bowl of baby food off the high chair. The mush landed on Light and the floor around him.

"M-m-my clothes and hair..." Tiny Light stuttered, beginning to tear up.

"Turn off the camera," Mr. Yagami ordered.

This time it was Sayu's birthday. She was turning three years old, according to the decorations. She sat at the table in a pink dress, presents surrounding her. Outside it was storming.

"Open my present first, Sayu," Light said, pushing one of the presents toward her.

Sayu gladly tore off the wrapping paper. The gift itself was a doll, apparently one that she had wanted by the way her face lit up. "T'ank you, Light," she squealed. Light smiled.

After opening half the other presents the power went out. The screen was black.

"Oh no," both Mr. Yagami in the video and beside L said.

"DARK!" Sayu screamed, beginning to cry.

"She used to be so scared of the dark," he muttered.

"Why do all of these depict your children crying or someone getting hurt?" L asked, genuinely curious.

"Because we have horrible timing with the video camera."

The scene changed to Christmas. Light and Sayu were a little older, maybe by one or two years.

"Santa's coming tonight," Mrs. Yagami said cheerfully.

"There's no such thing as Santa," Light said bluntly from his seat on the couch.

"What!" Sayu crawled out from under the tree shortly after plugging the lights in.

"Light..." warned their father. "Of course Santa's real, Sweetheart. Light's just upset because he knows Santa will bring him coal for being bad this year."

"No I don't. No I won't. No I wasn't. The idea of Santa is impossible, Sayu. Just think about it," the boy continued.

The camera turned to the floor as Mr. Yagami face-palmed.

"He is to real! Santa's magic! That's why he doesn't seem real! Non-believer!" she shouted.

"You have to accept it sometime. Might as well be now."

Mrs. Yagami took the camera. Her husband took Light's arm, dragging him off the couch. "Let's go have a talk."

"What'd I do?"

Sayu pouted. "Santa's real. You're getting coal for the rest of your life for saying that, Light!"

"Maybe we should put away the camera..." her mother muttered.

The next one was of Mrs. Yagami's hand opening the bathroom door. A younger teenaged Light was inside, standing in front of the mirror. He jumped away as soon he noticed his mother and the camera. On his chin was a yellow zit.

"Mom!" he screamed.

"My little boy's growing up! His first zit!"

"Mom! Get out! You better erase that!"

"Soon you'll be out of the house. Oh, you're growing up so fast!" his mother continued to squeal.

Glaring, Light tried to push the door shut. "MOOOOOM!"

The next scene was more recent, probably done within the last year. Sayu was the one holding the camera, pointing it at herself.

"Today, we will be going into the rare Light Yagami's room," she whispered as if she was doing an animal documentary.

Walking up the stairs, she continued, "The Light Yagami is an odd creature. It is very intelligent and helps it's sister with her homework, yet is too stupid to lock his bedroom door when he is in the shower. Let us see what embarressing secrets are in there."

The camera was pointed to the door. Sayu's hand reached out and opened the door. "That is the Light Yagami's bed. It sleeps here. Since the Light Yagami is actually an animal, the mattess is made out of straw." Clearly, this was not true but Sayu didn't even giggle at her own joke, trying to act serious.

Walking around the bed, Sayu pointed the camera at the bookshelf. "These books contain information on how to be a normal human and live in society, as if he were not a wild animal. The Light Yagami uses the books to become popular with human females. If only they knew what they were really kissing."

She went over to his computer. She turned it on, waited for it to load, accessed the internet, went to Google Images, and typed in 'Bigfoot'. She clicked on the first full-body picture of the mythological creature.

"This is what the Light Yagami used to look like before being adopted by the the Yagami family."

"Sayu, what are you doing on my computer?"

Sayu quickly whirled around. Light stood at the door, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. He looked angry.

"Nothing! The Light Yagami is very teritorial. It does not like being spied on when it is not looking - "

"Sayu, give me the camera!" Light demanded, walking up to her.

The screen went black. Giggling, Sayu took the tape out of the VCR and put it back in the box.

Mr. Yagami put his head in his hands.

"You have an... interesting family, Mr. Yagami," L commented.

His only response was groaning in his hands.

**In case you didn't know, a mites are similar to tics and/or fleas. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.**

**To 'I Am The Real L': Unless it's minor (but still there, which I more than likely will put there) there won't be any more fluffy oneshots for a couple of chapters. Like, two or three. Maybe. If I get writer's block I'll write the next chapter as fluffy one. Third after this one at the latest.**


	12. CHOCOLATE!

**You know, I wrote out a list of ideas to write for this but instead of finishing/attempting to write them, this came out. Who can guess what my next sentences are? That's right! I believe my sense of humor is warped. You've been warned. On a side note, I don't own Spongebob.**

"No."

"Why not?"

"That's a dumb idea."

"Well, what do you know?"

"Enough to know it won't work."

"It'll work!"

"_Sure_ it will."

"Don't be so sarcastic about it!"

"I'm still not helping."

"Why not!?"

"I don't want my video games taken away like you're chocolate was!"

"If you'd help, we'd both get want we want."

"If I don't I won't lose it in the first place."

"JUST DO IT SO I CAN GET MY CHOCOLATE!"

"You don't have to scream. I can hear. No."

"Some best friend you are!"

"Normally I would help, but I have this really hard boss battle to do in a minute...And if Rodger finds out, I'll lose the game before I can finish it!"

"Just hack the - "

"What are you two arguing about?"

"Go away, Near."

"Hey, Near."

"Don't greet him! GAH! I haven't had chocolate in twenty-eight hours! I need it! My brain is dying!"

"Your brain isn't dying, Mello."

"No, no, no, Near. He knows that, somewhere in his currently delusional brain. This is what happens when he can't have his stupid chocolate for too long. I think it's his own version of withdrawls. Phase one; yell that he or some important organ of his is dying."

"What are the other phases?"

"Chocolate...Need...Chocolate..."

"Lays on the floor as if he's about to die is phase two."

"Hah! Chocolate! Right there! In the corner! Mine!"

"Phase three. Hallucinate. Right now he thinks that notebook is a chocolate bar."

"Ew! Worst tasting chocolate ever! I bet it's Near chocolate!"

"..."

"...Ignore him. He doesn't mean what it sounds like. Phase four - "

"IF I DON'T GET ANY SOON I'LL KILL YOU ALL!"

" - Threaten people. Phase five; curl up in a ball and cry."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Doesn't last long though. Phase six - Mello, seriously? Stop crying. You're in front of Near."

"SHUT UP you - you - "

"Anyway... Phase six; attempt to follow through with threat. I suggest we run."

"I SAID I'D KILL you! Quite running!"

"How long will he chase us with that baseball bat?"

"Until someone manages to hold him down, gives him chocolate, or phase seven. Which is when he passes out."

"How long will that take?"

"If the other two don't happen? An hour at the most."

"Duck!"

"Thanks!"

"COME BACK HERE!"

"We should go find Rodger."

"Why? Just let him - Mello, stop that! - tire himself out. He'll be really mad if he gets in trouble and loses his chocolate for a longer time. I'm serious, Mello! PUT. THE. BAT. DOWN."

"NEVER!"

"I can't run for that long."

"Oh yeah, that's right. Well, if you don't mind falling down stairs, let's go."

"Thank you. But what if we went in different directions? He'd have to follow only one of us. The other can get Rodger."

"Right, take what you said earlier and imagine Mello going after you."

"...Oh."

"Yeah. Try not to trip! You too, Mello!"

"CHOCOLATE!"

"I can't run for much longer!"

"I can't do anything if he catches you! You'll be on your own while I get Rodger."

"You know, I think this is the first time I've ever felt threatened by Mello. ... Nope, nevermind."

"What?"

"I actually have to go to the bathroom."

"Because Mello scares you? - Watch out!"

"...No. I drank a 16oz bottle of water before running into you two. Ahh!"

"Better keep up. Rodger's office is only all the way down the hall over there!"

"I'm gonna die, arn't I?"

"Most likely. It was almost nice knowing ya."

"Like-wise."

"I'LL KILL THE SHEEP FIRST! MWAHAHAHA! THEN I'LL - "

"Mello!"

" - BREAK MATT'S LEGS!"

"Better."

"Are you entirely right in the head? I don't mean to insult you, it's just - "

"Death or broken legs. Which do you prefer?"

"Good point."

"RODGER! MELLO'S TRYING TO KILL US!"

"...What are you yelling about - Oh my. Quick, inside my office!"

"My CHOCOLATE!"

"Not again..."

"Seriously, what was the point of taking it away again?"

"He hasn't done this since he was seven. I thought he grew out of it!"

"Where was I during all of this?"

"Probably playing with your toys."

"LET me ... in..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I think he passed out. Phase seven - complete."

"I'm never running again."

"...Mello is unconscious. Oh dear."

"Only fifteen minutes... That's a new record!"

"You keep _score_?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, look, here comes Spongebob and Patrick with the new shipment of chocolate. Thank goodness."

"What?"

"Good. For once I'm grateful to have them. Don't you agree, Matt?

"What are two talking about? Especially you, Near. I thought you didn't believe cartoons were real."

"Wake up, Matt."

"Wha...? When did you learn how to do a Mello impression, Near?"

"Matt! Wake up!"

"Seriously, you're creeping me out. Rodger?"

"GET UP NOW!"

"AAAHHH! Not you too!"

"MATT!"

"I didn't do it! Oh, it's you, Mello, I had the weirdest dream..." Matt muttered, sitting up.

Mello glared at him. "You drooled on the couch."

The gamer scratched the back of his head, glancing at the spit on the cushion. "Oops. Sorry."

Rolling his eyes, the blonde pointed to the T.V. "Why were you watching a marathon of Spongebob?"

"Oh, I wasn't. I was playing a video game. I was getting tired, so I turned it off and switched it back to the T.V. There was this episode on about this fish screaming and chasing Spongebob and Patrick when he tried to sell him chocolate. Reminded me of you. Then I guess I dozed off..." he explained, trailing off.

Mello glowered at him. "I don't chase people and scream about chocolate. I'd either buy it or steal it!"

Matt laughed. "You should really hear about what I dreamed then. We were back at Wammy's and Rodger took away your precious chocolate and you tried to get me to help you steal it back. Then Near came in and you started going through bizzare withdrawls..."

"Shut up, Matt."

"It included hallucinating, crying, playing dead..." he listed anyway.

"I don't go through withdrawls!" the blonde shouted, starting to get angry.

"Then you chased us with a baseball bat."

"...Where did I get one of those! Our room didn't have baseball bats in it!" he said, sitting down next to Matt, far away from the drool.

"It was a dream, I don't know. Spongebob and Patrick were there after you passed out," the gamer continued.

"Of course," Mello replied sarcastically.

"Then Rodger and Near started yelling at me in your voice. They kept telling me to wake up." Matt shrugged.

"That was me, genius. You were asleep for over twelve hours! Aren't you supposed to be watching that pop star?" He glared at him.

"Oh, right. Watch the cute girl. How 'bout after I finish this next level?" Matt bent down to pick up his controller.

"Matt..." Mello growled.

"Fine, fine."

**If the dialogue is consusing at first, it goes:**

**Matt, Mello, Matt, Mello, Matt, Mello, ect. until "What are two arguing about?" which is Near, then Mello, Matt, Mello, Near, Matt, Near, Mello, Matt - Now I'm confused. Eh, you should be able to figure it out for the most part. I won't do that writing style again any time soon.**


	13. Would a Kiss work?

**This was inspired by **_**ColourfulCrayonCarma**_**'s NearxLinda picture/background story on Deviantart. The basic idea belongs to that person (well, her's/his' included rubber ducks instead... I don't like taking his/her idea completely, so I changed that part for this). I don't own whatever is in here that I don't own and rightfully belongs to him/her.  
****There is some fluff, obviously. Not much humor here at all in my opinion. But who knows, someone might find it funnier than me. Maybe. Probably not.  
****Ages:  
****Near - 13  
****Linda - 13  
****Mello - 14  
****Matt - 14**

Sitting in the corner of his room was Near, surrounded by his usual toys and four tiny toy dinosaurs. Two of the dinosaurs were 'attacking' an action figure. The other two were sitting front of one of his stacks of dice, as if 'gaurding' it.

Mello and Matt were spying in through the door. Why? Originally to plant cheat sheets in his room to make it seem as if he were cheating. Mello had hadMatt hack the teachers' computers for them. At the moment the answer sheets was in Mello's pocket. Unfortunately, the plan was forgotton when they saw the boy playing with the toys that he didn't have this morning.

"What a little freak... Got any gum?" Mello asked out of nowhere.

Matt looked up from his game. "...Are you kidding? No. Why?"

"Do ya think anyone close by has gum?"

"That kid a couple doors down is obsessed with chewing gum, right?" Matt went back to his game. "Why do you want gum?" When he didn't get an answer he glanced up again. His friend was gone. "Mello?"

Meanwhile in the corner Near was still playing with his dinosaurs. He didn't even notice the two (now one) peeking through his door. For some odd reason, the dinosaurs amused him to the point that he was oblivious to his surroundings. Probably because they were his first new toys in almost a year. He most likely wouldn't have noticed if Mello had slammed the door open and stuffed the cheat sheets down his shirt. How unusual.

Mello came back to the door, chewing a wad of bubble gum.

"Just what are you doing?" Matt asked again.

"You'll see," he replied.

After a few minutes of chewing Mello stepped into the room and walked over to Near. The white-haired boy didn't look up at him, not even aware that he was there.

"Hey, Near," Mello greeted.

He didn't respond.

"_Near_."

Still no reply.

"NEAR!"

Once again, nothing.

He quickly snatched one of the dinosaurs from his hands. Near stared at his hand as if it were an alien. Slowly he raised his head, expression going back to normal upon seeing the older boy.

"Give it back," he said dully.

Mello just smirked, still chewing his gum. A minute passed before Near stood up. Apparently, he really wanted the toy back if he was willingly to stand up instead of continuing the staring contest. Smirk never fading, Mello took the gum out of his mouth. He watched Near's eyes widen as he wrapped the gum around his toy and threw it upwards. It hit the ceiling, gum sticking to it.

Near stared at it as if mesmorized. His mouth even hung open a bit.

Mello raised an eyebrow. No glaring, no staring, no trying to get it down, no anything? He wouldn't have been surprised if Near showed no reaction whatsoever, but this was just weird. "Freak." He and his friend left, forgetting about the papers in the older boy's pocket completely. (Later on in the week they would remember them after the tests had already been taken and scored.)

A good five minutes of staring later, Linda knocked on the door. She wanted to draw Near stacking his dice as an exuse to spend time with him. There was no answer from behind the door but she was sure Near was in there. She tried calling him. Nothing. She tried both knocking and calling again. Nothing again. She wondered if he was really in his room. Opening the door a crack, she saw that he was in fact inside.

"Near?" She opened the door wider. He didn't react to her voice at all. Walking over to him, she waved a hand in front of his face. It was like he didn't even see it. Linda looked up to see what he was staring at. "Ew..." How did a toy dinosaur covered in gum get on the ceiling? Why did it seem to put Near in a trance?

An idea popped into her mind that made her blush. Would he notice if she did that? What if he reacted badly? How would she explain what she was doing? On the other hand he might not notice at all. If he was just ignoring her, wouldn't he have made some kind of movement by now? Like moving aside to see the object stuck to the ceiling? Maybe. Why was she arguing with herself over this?

"Are you alright?" Linda tried again.

He didn't even open his mouth to respond.

"How did that get up there?"

"..."

"Hello? Anybody home? Really, you're starting to freak me out."

"..."

She poked his arm. Not even a twitch. Was it possible for someone to die and still remain standing? No, he was still blinking every so often. Near was definately alive. Could he be paralyzed or something similar?

"No, that wouldn't work..." he suddenly murmured, causing Linda to jump back.

"Near?" she said again. He still didn't seem to hear her. What, had he gone blind and deaf to anything but the gum-covered toy?

"Alright I'll try another tactic. But don't say I didn't warn you!" That said, she quickly pressed her lips against Near's. Her stomach jumped and she blushed.

Meanwhile in the boy's head, he was trying to figure out how to get his toy down without actually touching the saliva-covered gum. Somewhere in his brain he knew what was currently going on outside his head and would later blush over it long after Linda got frustrated with him and left. But right now he wasn't paying attention to his surroundings, instead going over a bunch of potential plans.

**I highly suggest looking up the picture. It's better than this in my opinion. Especially if you like looking at NearxLinda fanart. I know I do. xD**


	14. Movies About Their Addictions

**This is set about a year after the original Toy Story came out (as far as I know).  
Ages-  
Mello: 7  
Near: 5  
Matt: 6  
Linda: 5**

"Are they alright?" Linda asked Matt, worried.

"Ya know, I'm not sure," he replied, staring at them.

Near was laying on the floor, watching his action figures intently. Mello was sitting a few feet away, staring the turned-off T.V. in aw. Near had been like that for about three hours while Mello had been for one hour.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Well, some of the younger kids were watching Toy Story when Near came in. He ended up watching it and then...doing...that. After that the kids started watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Mello came in the room and saw it, so... I guess the movies fascinated them?" he tried to explain, since he had been in the room all day playing his games.

"Oh, I get it," Linda said. "Near thinks his toys are secrectly alive and Mello wants to go a chocolate factory." She frowned. "That's weird, especially for them."

Matt shrugged. "Maybe if Near becomes the next L Mello can open his own chocolate factory."

"NO!" Mello screamed, twisting half-way around to lok at them. "I'll be the next L!"

The two jumped in surprise.

"I wonder if I can convince Rodger to let me install security cameras. Or would they purposely not move because they knew they were being watched...?" Near muttered to himself.

"Shut up, Near! The older kids and Linda are trying to have a conversation," Mello said.

"How do you know I'm not older than him?" she asked, slightly offended.

Mello ignored her.

"When is your birthday? You've been here a while now but I've never seen anyone celebrating it," Matt told her. She sweatdropped. Was he that oblivious?

"I know it was only a movie but what if it were true? If toys had human intellegence... If so and they would talk to us, we would solve quite a few children-related crimes quicker..." Near went on anyway.

"Shut up before I throw you out the window," Mello threatened him. "Now if there was a chocolate factory where EVERYTHING was chocolate..." he trailed off, sighing happily.

"Would you become a canibal if people were made of chocolate?" his friend asked curiously.

"I would have to be made of chocolate too," he said, glaring.

"Would you?" he asked again.

"If I wasn't? Maybe," Mello answered. He shrugged.

Matt smiled devilishly. "What if Near was made of chocolate? He would be dead if you ate him."

"That's disgusting! I would have IT in me! What I would do is leave him out in the hot sun all day so he would melt," replied Mello, glare turning into a disgusted look.

"If my toys could talk they would tell on you," Near said.

"Your toys can't talk, dumbas-"

"Mello!" Linda scolded.

"Chocolate factories aren't entirely edible eighter," the younger boy responded.

"Why you little - ! They could be if someone - "

"That's too unsanitary and ridiculous. It would never happen," Near cut in.

Mello was seething now. "That's it! I'm gonna - !"

He lunged at the smaller boy only to be held back by Matt. He screamed insults and threats as he tried to squirm out of Matt's grip.

"Let's go ask Rodger about your experiment," Linda told Near, eager to get him away from the blonde.

"Okay." He picked up his action figures, leading the way out of the room.

As soon as the two left Matt let Mello go.

"...Moron! Toys aren't real!" he continued to scream.

Matt shook his head. "I think staring at a turned-off television melted your brain. Let's go find something else to do."

"One day it'll happen...Then I'll take it over and eat the entire thing! Mwahahaha!"

"Yup, your brain's fried. Let's go, Wacko." Matt shook his head, grabbed him by the arm and pulled him away, still laughing manically.


	15. Near's Birthday

**I've been procrastinating until now. Sorry. Since August 24 is coming up I wrote this. Takes place in 2000 so B is still there. Possible ooc-ness on Near's part.  
Who remembers my warnings about my sense of humor being twisted?**

Mello chuckled as he set the explosive to go off as soon as the box was opened.

The box was a was just a regular box covered in blue and pink striped wrapping paper. The bomb inside wasn't a big one but the box would probably explode into pieces once opened. It would be nice if the bomb also blew the little toy obsessed freak up. Unfortunately, the two were still at Wammy's and intentionally killing Near more than likely would result in Mello getting kicked out, placed in a juvenile delinquent center and later in jail. Instead it would leave him only a few bruises and burns.

That was good enough for the moment. After all, a small bomb exploding in someone's face would ruin anyone's one birthday, right?

Not that the little shrimp did anything to celebrate his birthday, really. He got a new toy or two, some of the other children said, "Happy birthday," and that was that. Just a normal day like any other. Well, this year wouldn't be that normal.

"What'cha you doing, kid?"

Mello jumped, almost knocking the box to the ground. Whirling around, he saw B leaning against his bedroom door (his _closed and locked_ bedroom door), mouth full of strawberry jam from the jar he was holding.

"Nothing. Go away," he snapped, pushing the 'present' behind him.

"That doesn't look like nothing. Why don't you show me what it is so I don't have to walk through the filth that is your room." The older boy gave him an lazy look, as if the only reason he wanted to know was because he was bored, not actually curious.

"If Matt and I clean our room later, will you go away?" the blonde tried instead of answering.

B grinned. "No. Besides, since when does that kid clean? Now," he leaned to the side, "is that a birthday present? Who's birthday is it? Can't be yours, it's definately not mine, and your room mate had his birthday back in February. Could it possibly be...Near's? Oh yes, that's coming up soon, isn't it? Why would you get him a gift?" He scooped more jam into his mouth. "Are you finally friends or do you have something up your sleeve?"

Mello growled. He would never be friends with Near, even if it he was given all the chocolate in the world for it, even if he would become L if he did. B knew that. So why was he messing around with him?

"Fine. Let's just say that it's not a good present. Now can you leave already?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"If you don't tell me I'll look in there myself."

More than likely, if the bomb went off on B Mello would die before reaching the age of eleven. Or have a near-death experience. Or something of the sort. Better to tell him and hope he wouldn't tell anyone else.

"Okay, it's a bomb but it won't kill him," he explained. "Don't rat me out."

B smiled, amused. "My lips are sealed. No one'll find out from me that you're going to give Near that. How're you going to give it to him without him getting suspicious?"

"I'm going to leave it in his room with his toys during dinner," Mello said.

"Ah. So what happens if he asks Rodger about it or has someone else open it?"

"If it doesn't explode on him I'll just beat him up later. Can you leave now before someone overhears us?"

A few days later, just before dinner, B walked up to Matt on his way to his room. "Hey, Brat," he greeted.

"I still don't know why out of everyone I'm the brat," the gamer said absently, pressing the buttons on his gameboy quickly.

"'Cause you barely pay any attention when I talk to you," B answered, snatching the gameboy away.

"Hey!"

B held it above his head when Matt tried to grab it back.

"Now that I have your attention, I was talking to Mello earlier. I could've sworn that your birthday was already over and Christmas was a couple months away. I don't know why, but he he got you a present," B lied.

"Yeah, right," the younger boy said. "Give me back my game. I'll lose if if it's not paused or saved!"

"Wasn't there a game you were complainig about not having a couple days ago? The one that you wouldn't shut up about so Mello tried to duct tape your mouth shut? I guess he bought it for you so you'd quit it."

Matt gave him a weird look. "...Really? I don't believe it."

"Fine." B released his grip on the electronic, letting it fall. Matt caught it before it hit the ground. "But if you find a blue and pink striped box under his bed you didn't hear it from me."

Mello was on his way back to his room. Dinner had started a few minutes ago, meaning he was late. It would be worth getting in trouble for if the twit opened the bo-

_Boom!_

He ran the rest of the way to his room, throwing the door open. Matt sat on the floor looking dazed and bruised. The 'present' was scattered around him. Mello slapped his forehead in frustration. "Matt!"

"It seems that I was right."

Mello turned around, scowling at the voice. Near stared back at him emotionlessly, twirling a lock of his hair.

"What are you -"

"I knew you were up to something. You've been acting strange for the past week. I bribed B to find out what you were doing and, if it was meant to harm me, to put a stop to it," the birthday boy explained.

Mello growled, clenching his fists. That twit was too frustrating! He sprung foward and grabbed Near in a tight headlock. The both fell to the ground, struggling to choke the life out of/get away from the other.

Not seriously injured, Matt watched them for a second before reaching for his gameboy.

Down the hall, B laughed as he watched the two rivals wrestle around on the floor. Near had also bribed him to protect him if Mello attempted to hurt him. The problem was that BB wasn't on either side. He had tricked Matt for Near earlier, now he was letting Mello get his revenge on the boy. Plus, it was kind of funny. He wondered if Near would lose conscienceness or get away or not before someone came looking for them.

A few minutes later Rodger came looking for them and found B laughing hysterically, Mello banging Near's head against the carpet, Near pulling Mello's hair, and Matt playing his video games, looking like a bomb had blown up on him. He sighed tiredly. Every year it was always something.

**I couldn't decide who's day to ruin. So I compromised!**


	16. Seven Deadly Sins

**ZERO HUMOR IN THIS CHAPTER. SKIP TO NEXT ONE FOR HUMOR!**

**I saw someone do this for Kindom Hearts characters, so I figured, why not do one for Death Note characters? Note, I'm not religious at all, so whether you are or not, don't take this too seriously in that direction.**

Pride

Light never once doubted himself. No matter what, he was sure that he was going to win. All he had to do was play his cards right and work for his goal. If he ever doubted himself, chances are that he might have at one point considered getting rid of the Death Note for good or come up with a back up plan, if needed. But Light had been positive that he would not lose.

He thought he could become the god of a new world. Kira, God of the new world, where no evil would exist. Only the people chosen by Light, judged by him to be a good person, therefore worthy of being alive, would get a chance to live in it. Those who were not worthy in his eyes - whether those people were criminals or not - deserved to be killed. There would be no evil in the new world - except Light. But did Light think of himself as evil? No, he did not. He was a righteous god. Any one who dared call _him_ evil was the evil one, and therefore deserved to be dead.

Needless to say, Light Yagami was a narcissist.

But Light wasn't a god. He was a human being. Every human has at least one flaw in their makeup. Light, if he truely had no other flaws, his was his pride. His pride prevented him from having one of the two lives he could have had. If he hadn't given in so easily to his pride he may have either lived a sucessful life or achieved his goal as God. Or not. Perhaps Kira would've failed anyway. Perhaps Light would've messed up in life, ruining his future.

Who knows? His pride killed him first.

Envy

Mello felt jealous, envious, and inferior. Inferior to Near. Because Near was smarter. Near could hold back his emotions. Near was better than him in many ways. That made Mello furious. No matter how hard he tried he would never beat Near. Near always won without much effort. He didn't have to work hard like Mello did. He was just that great at everything.

Mello hated that. HE wanted to be the best! Not the second best - THE best. Being the runner up wasn't good enough; he had to be number one. Whatever or whoever got in his way would be taken down. He _had_ to be the best.

But how could he prove once and for all that he was better than the younger boy? He knew Near was better than him. How could he possibly beat him? Simple, or, for lack of better word, not so simple; do what the original L couldn't do; catch Kira. If he could find out Kira's identity AND take him down then that would prove to everyone (especially himself) that he, Mihael Keehl, was better than Near and worthy of being the next L instead.

His anger towards Near and his greed to be number one were caused by his jealousy. The blonde haired devil in black leather was green with envy. He had worked diligently his entire life. He never wasted an oppurtunity to attempt to best Near. Unfortunately, it never amounted to anything. Sure, he managed to help Near catch Kira. But he died. That's not the worst part; he died as number two. Despite his efforts, Near had kept his title as number one.

Gluttony

L loved sweets. Surgar. Fruits, tea, coffee, candy, cake, and sugar cubes. He consumed large amounts of sugar everyday to fuel his brain. It helped him think more clearly. He had to be at the top of his game in order to solve the cases he did. That was why he sat in such a peculiar way and ate so much sugar.

It was unknown to most if he had ever eaten normal foods (aside from fruits). He probably did as a young child. But sugar was what kept him going during his cases. It fueled his brain. It detracted from the bitter tastes the results of crimes left him.

It probably wouldn't have been a good idea to take his delicious treats away from him. He needed the sugar. He needed his brain and he needed to coat the bitter taste. Besides, he would've found a way to get more of his treats and whoever had tried to forcfully take them away would have an 'accident'. After all, doesn't everyone know what happens when someone tries to steal his identity as L?

He needed the sugar in his system to keep going.

Lust

Misa loved Light with all of her heart. She loved him more than anything in the universe! She loved him so much it hurt. Misa would do anything for Light. Even if he didn't return that love. Even if he was only using her. That was alright. Because she would do anything to earn his love. She would be his pawn and work her way up to become his queen. She loved Light. That was the only explaination needed as to why.

It was safe to say that Misa wasn't exactly...right in the head. No, no, I'm not saying she's stupid. I'm saying she's been traumitized. She's desperate. Her family had been killed and the murderer was let go. The people she loved were gone and the person responsible was allowed free without punishment. Could you imagine that happening to you? No justice at all for you or your past loved ones.

Kira changed that. He killed the murderer. He brought justice upon him. She knew then and there that she had to meet him. Kira. For bringing down that horrible man she would follow him forever. She would use her Death Note and help him. But most of all, she wanted to meet him.

And 'him' was Light! A handsome, intellegent, well-off young man. He was only about two years younger than her. He was Kira. He killed the murderer that ruined her family. Light Yagami. He was her one true love.

Misa wanted oh so bad to be his girlfriend. She wanted his love and approval. She wanted _him_. She would be his goddess. Not Kiyomi Takada, not Yumi, not any of the sluts he'd dated in the past or was currently manipulating. She knew if she impressed him and helped him he would love her and her only. She and Light would be together forever. It didn't matter if he was just using her. It didn't matter if he screamed at her. He had to reach his goal and she understood it was frustrating to keep from being caught.

One could say that Misa lusted Light. She needed him. Misa needed Light, she needed his love, she really did. No one else was good enough for her. And no one else deserved him. They could have someone else or drop dead. She didn't care. As long as she had Light she would be better than okay.

Light died after they got engaged. Light was murdered. Her true love was gone forever.

Misa couldn't go on. She tried but it hurt too much. It was just too much. How could she live without Light? She tried but she couldn't. She couldn't live without him. So she wouldn't.

Wrath

Beyond Birthday was very close to death. He saw death everywhere. Even in the womb. He had always had the eyes. He was familiar with it. BB could see everyone's names and lifespans floating above their heads. The only one he couldn't see was his own. His name and lifespan were invisable. Beyond Birthday was close to death and far away from it. He knew when everyone would die but didn't know when he would.

After his father was killed by thugs and his mother died in a train crash Beyond Birthday had been sent to Wammy's House. He was given an alias; B. He could never tell anyone his real name. He was automatically placed in a contest with the other children at Wammy's House. Whoever was the best would become the next L, the world's greatest detective. So much pressure was put on the children. Especially A, the top student, and B, the second best student.

The pressure was bad for A. A couldn't handle everything that Wammy's House had placed on his shoulders. He couldn't deal with it all. A killed himself. He couldn't become the perfect copy and he killed himself

For B, the pressure was different. He came to resent L. Who would put on the shoulders of children, genuises or not, the pressure to become exactly like him? Why did he have to have a copy of himself to succeed him? Why was this necessary? It wasn't healthy. B knew that. So why were they being forced to become copies? It wasn't fair. It wasn't right.

B was close to death and far away from it. He was under a lot of pressure. He resented L, the man he had only seen once. So what did B do? He combined what he had been taught and what he knew and believed. He would suceed L as a criminal. He would create a case that L would never be able to solve. Beyond Birthday would win and L would lose.

BB was wrathful. He was angry at L. BB wanted revenge. Insanity may have had to do with it, but who was partially at fault for that? The eyes couldn't be helped. L could've been.

Unforunately, BB wasn't a good judge of character. He underestimated L's proxy, Naomi Misora. He lost to L through her.

Greed

Higuchi could be described as 'greedy', 'forceful', 'selfish', a 'pig' and much more. He wanted women, money, and power.

Misa Amane was beautiful, rich, and famous. Not mention more than ten years younger than him. She would make an excellent wife. Using the Death Note he would rise in power in Yotsuba (maybe higher, yes higher!) which would also increase his pay. All he had to do in return was kill criminals in his spare time.

This was precisely why Rem had chosen him. She'd picked him because of his greed. Light had tolder to find someone as greedy, selfish, and forceful as Higuchi was. She did it for Misa, not Light. That didn't matter to Higuchi. He could care less as to why he had been chosen. He had the power to rise up and that was all that mattered. So greedy was Higuchi. A perfect canidate for Light.

In the end, though, it was his greed that killed him. Had he been less so, he would never would've been picked. He never would've obtained the Death Note. He would've never been caught as the third Kira and almost arrested. He wouldn't have killed by Light when his usefulness was gone. But he was.

Sloth

Near was mentally active, that was true. He was always thinking of ways to solve the puzzles in front of him. Physically, one might call him lazy. Whether he was really 'lazy' or not isn't really important. He barely moved and almost always had others doing the phycal tasks for him unless he was sure he could and/or made to move. That was alright too.

Near liked playing with toys. He liked solving puzzles. He liked stacking objects like dice and tarot cards. He didn't enjoy being outside. He didn't enjoy running around. He didn't enjoy athletic games. He would rather play with his toys, solve puzzles, and stacks objects, all the while thinking.

The only reason the SPK needed members other than Near was because he wouldn't do much of the physical work. He needed others to help him. Their jobs were field work and then some.

In the end it didn't hurt him. He had people on his side helping him. They worked in unity. Everything ended just as he planned.

Yet it would be lie to say that he would manage on his own. He almost never did physical work. Near would fail without someone there for him. He needed someone or a group to work with him. Other-wise he'd be a helpless sloth.

**I don't quite like how this came out. But I suppose it came out alright.**


	17. Cough Medicine

**I think I could have added more detail to this but the plot turned out better than I originally planned, so, meh. School starts soon so updates might get slower.  
Ages:  
****Mello - 12  
****Matt - 11  
****Near - 10  
****Linda - 10**

"Matt! Get back here!"

"Never!" Matt said and broke out in a coughing fit.

For someone who didn't do much and was coughing, Matt was running away pretty fast.

"Just drink the medicine or take a cough drop!" Rodger yelled after him.

"No!" He ran past the corner and into his and Mello's room. Shutting the door and locking it quickly, he fell onto his bed, exhausted. "Hey, Mello."

Mello, who had been studying prior to Matt's entrance, turned around in his chair to look at him. "You sound terrible."

"I'm sick, what do you expect?" he dead-panned.

"Matt!" Rodger yelled, pounding on the door.

He shot up out of bed and ran into the closet. "I was never here!"

"Matt! Mello! Open this door!"

Mello looked between both doors and shrugged. "What now, Rodger!"

"Open the door!"

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

"Fine, fine, you old geezer," he muttered unlocking the door. "It's open!"

Rodger opened the look. He glared at Mello before looking around the room. "Where's Matt?"

"How would I know? I was studying when you barged in," the blonde snapped.

"Really? So Matt's not in here?" the old man asked, skeptical.

"No," the younger boy replied. "Are you leaving now or not?"

"He's not hiding under the beds or in the closet, is he?" Rodger walked up to the closet door and opened it. Half the clothes were on the floor. A foot was hanging out of the pile. "Matt!"

Matt jumped out of the pile and ran through Rodger's legs. He quickly ran out of the room, a pair of boxers hanging off the side of his goggles.

"What's going on?" Mello asked. "Why is he running from you?"

"He refuses to take medicine for his cough. Soon the whole orphanage'll be sick," Rodger grumbled. He glanced at Mello. "I'm getting too old to chase a child everywhere. If you catch him and bring him to my office, I'll let have twice the number of chocolate bars a day for a week."

Mello thought about that. Double the chocolate for a week or letting his best friend infect all of Wammy's? That was almost a tough one. But it was his best friend. He might as well get more out of it if he was going to double-cross him. Mello crossed his arms. "Sure. If you make it a month."

Rodger scowled. "Two weeks."

"A month and a half."

"Three weeks, Mello," the old man said sternly.

"Three months or you hunt him yourself."

Rodger growled softly. No one would be able to trick Matt into taking his medicine as well as Mello. Three months worth of double the chocolate bars bought would be expensive but it was better than Matt's couch spreading. The brat was too smart for his own good.

"Fine," he caved.

"Alright, so, does he have to liquid medicine or a cough drop?" he asked, happy with the bargain.

"It doesn't matter," Rodger said.

"Do you know why he won't take the medicine?" he asked.

"No," he answered. "He took off as soon I started to mention it."

"Hm. Okay. I'll see what I can do."

Matt was currently hiding in the kitchen cupboards, playing a video game. He's turned the volume off so no one would hear it. Every so often he broke out in a fit of coughs that he tried to stiffle. There was no way he was taking the medicine. That stuff tastes horrible! He'd rather deal with the cough.

"Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate," he heard someone mutter outside. "Where did Rodger hide you now...?"

Mello! He would be safe if Mello found him. He knew Mello would never tell anyone where he was. Matt sighed in relief and started coughing. The cupboard door opened. Mello stared at him with a weird expression.

"What are you doing now?" he asked.

"Hiding," he answered hoarsely.

"Right... You know if you took the medicine your voice wouldn't be like that, right?" he asked.

Matt took his goggles off his forehead and put them over his eyes. "Yeah. But that stuff is gross. Have you ever tasted it? It's disgusting!"

"So? Eh, what do I care? Just don't get ME sick," Mello warned. "When are you coming back to our room?"

"When I'm sure Rodger's given up."

"Good luck with that idea. He told me he doesn't want you infecting the rest of the house."

"Then I'll just in here until someone else finds me," Matt said matter-of-factly.

"Won't you have to go to the bathroom?"

"I can hold it."

Mello wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Just remember you're under the sink. Lots of running water..."

Matt punched his arm. "Shut up and close the door."

The agressive blonde rolled his eyes and shut the cupboard. Matt heard him walk away. He went back to his game.

A few minutes later he heard footsteps again. The sink turned on. The sound of running water echoed in the cabinet. What Mello said earlier came back to him. Just how much did he drink today? Last time he wento the bathroom was four hours ago. The water kept running. Matt tapped his foot softly. He tried going back to his game but couldn't concentrate. When was the water going to turn off?

He suddenly had to go very bad. Stupid power of suggestion.

Matt flung open the cupboards doors and crawled out. Mello jumped on him and grabbed his arms, turned him over, and sat on his stomach.

"What are you doing?" Matt shrieked.

"Take your stupid medicine!" Mello yelled. He grabbed a small container filled with red liquid off the counter and dumped it in his friend's mouth before he could swat it away.

The second the cherry couch medicine hit his tounge and he got a taste of it, Matt spit it right back out. Mello snarled at him. His face, hair, and neck were now covered in couch medicine. Matt stared at him wide-eyed. He was dead.

"I'm gonna make you drink the whole bottle now," he growled.

He grabbed the front of Matt's shirt, and stood up, dragging Matt about two feet. Then Matt wiggled out his shirt and ran in the other direction.

"MATT!"

A little while later Linda was walking down the hall, heading back to her room, when she noticed a pair of boxers on the floor. "What are these doing here?" she wondered aloud.

Near's door opened and the boy stepped outside. He noticed Linda staring at the underware on the floor. "What are you doing?"

"Do you know who's these are?" she asked, nudging the clothing with her foot.

He shook his head and retreated back into his room. Linda gave the clothing a wary look before continuing back to her room. She would tell Rodger after she put her sketch book away.

When she opened her door she saw a shirtless Matt crawl under her bed.

"M-Matt!" she stuttered, cheeks turning red.

He popped his head back out. "Close the door! I'm hiding from Mello and Rodger!"

"Why?" she asked, not moving to close the door.

He grunted, pulling himself out from under the bed. He pulled her into the room (causing her to squeak) and closed the door, locking it.

"Just pretend I'm not here. If Mello, or Rodger, or anyone comes by, I'm NOT here or hiding under your bed," he said. Matt went back under her bed.

Linda opened her mouth to respond, thought it over, and shut her mouth again.

Meanwhile, Mello pounded on Near's door. "SHEEP!"

Near opened the door just enough to see than angery chocoholic.

"Yes, Mello?" he asked. He faintly smelled cough medicine.

"Have you seen Matt?" he demanded.

"No."

Mello kicked the door open wide. Near stared at the striped shirt and boxers in his hand. The shirt was obviously Matt's. The boxers must be too. Was Matt running around naked? While he considered about that, Mello destroyed his room, apparently searching for the gamer.

Someone squeaked down the hall. The two boys looked at each other for moment. Mello took off running down the hall. Near glanced around his room before following. The older boy pulled on Linda's doorknob.

"Locked. Yup, Matt's in there," he declared.

"Or one of the girls is doing something private."

"Shut up, Near. OPEN THIS DOOR BEFORE I BREAK IT!"

The door unlocked and opened. Linda stood in front of them, blushing.

"Get out of my way." Mello shoved past her.

"Are you alright?" Near asked. If Matt really was running around naked, that would explain her blushing.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she answered. They watched Mello try to tug Matt out from under the under the bed by the arms. "Matt just snuck into my room, shirtless."

"Just shirtless?" he questioned.

"Mm-hm. Why?" she looked at him with a curious expression.

"No reason," he lied, twisting a lock of hair around his finger.

About a half hour later Rodger entered Mello and Matt's bedroom. Mello sat on his bed, arms crossed. Matt was tied to his own bed with jump rope, shirt on in-side-out and backwards. He gave a Mello a look, expecting an explaination.

"Just give 'em his stupid medicine already," he grumbled.

Shaking his head, Rodger walked over to the side of the bed and poured the medicine into a tiny cup. Mello held Matt's nose shut and pried his mouth open.

"Spit this out and I'm banning your video games for a month," the care taker warned as he poured the substance into Matt's mouth.

The gamer struggled for a moment before swallowing. Mello let go of him. "Water! Water!" he yelled.

"It was for your own good," Mello said. He looked at Rodger. "When do I get my extra chocolate?"


	18. Mad Matt

**Bleh, not my best work, but I wanted to get it done and posted already. I apologize if it's not up to anyone's standards of humor they have for my collection of oneshots.  
****Ages -  
****Mello - 12  
****Matt - 11**

"How does he beat me by point one! That makes no sense! I got a ninety-nine-point-nine and that stupid sheep gets a one-hundred! I studied all week for that test and he didn't even lift a finger! AAAHHH!" Mello raged, shoving everything off of his desk, messing up his bed, and pulling the drawers out of Matt's dresser.

"Stupid, twit! Big-headed -"

One of the drawers fell over on its side, all of Matt's video games and other gameboy falling out. The gameboy's screen was cracked. That wasn't good.

"Oops." Mello picked it up.

One of the few things that got a (mad) reaction out of Matt was messing with his games. At one point a new kid tried to steal his gameboy and couple of his games. The kid got beat to a pulp when Matt found out. Mello wasn't scared of Matt, definately not. But he still didn't need him in a bad mood over it. He put the gameboy under his bed. He would get him a new one at some point. Whether that was in a few days or ten years, he honestly didn't care. Matt's current gameboy would hold him over for a while.

Now where did he put that chocolate bar before going on a rampage?

It was the middle of the night. Most people would be sleeping. Not Matt. He was still awake, not the least bit tired at almost three in the morning. What was he doing that late at night? It should be obvious; he was playing video games. As to not wake Mello up and have his gameboy thrown out the window (again), he hid under his covers and tried to keep the light from the screen facing the opposite direction of the agressive boy's bed.

This game was a new one, meaning he hadn't beaten it yet. Matt had been playing it for the last ten hours and was nearing the last level when the screen went dark. Damn. The battery must have died. He climbed out from under the covers and walked over to his dresser. Opening the top right drawer, he fished around his various games for his spare gameboy. He didn't feel it anywhere. Putting the dead console down, he opened the other drawers and started throwing clothes out. Maybe he'd put it in one of the other drawers by mistake?

By exactly three in the morning every article of clothing in the dresser was somewhere on the floor.

It was gone. It was really gone! Matt flipped on the light switch. It had to be in the room. No one had tried to steal it since that one kid -

"Jeeze! Why are the lights on! I still have time to sleep!" Mello pulled his pillow over his head, attempting to shut the light that had woken him up out.

"I have to find my gameboy. It's not in my drawer," Matt explained. He looked through the clothes on floor a second time, in case he accidently threw it.

"Wha-? Gameboy?" Mello muttered, half-asleep. "Oh. That's under my bed. I dr- " He groaned, realizing his mistake.

"Under your - why?" Matt quickly crawled over to the older's boy's bed and reached under it.

"You know, I'm still kind of asleep. I don't know what I'm talkin- " Mello tried to explain but was cut off.

"IT'S CRACKED! YOU BROKE MY GAMEBOY!"

Rodger was not happy. He had been having a wonderful dream were children were declared illegal and all of Wammy's House was being sent away until they reached adulthood. He had been happily watching the police drag Mello away, the little tyrant screaming and trying to bite the officers hands when he was rudely awaken by three or four of children.

Apparently a commotion was going on Mello and Matt's room. He swore, if Mello was trying to strangle Near again...

"Get out of the way!" he told the children gathered around the boys' door and peering inside himself.

The situation was actually much stranger. Mello tryting to strangle Near was normal. Matt sitting on top off and trying to strangle Mello was _not_. Even though Mello was fighting back, that was still abnormal.

"WHY WOULD YOU BREAK MY GAMEBOY! NOW BOTH MY CONSOLES ARE BROKE!" Matt screamed.

Rodger quickly grabbed the brunette and pulled off of Mello's chest.

Mello sat up. "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"

"Both of you, be quiet!" Rodger yelled. He turned to the children in the hall. "Go back to bed!" The kids scurried away to their rooms. "Now what is wrong with you two?" he snapped.

"HE strarted freaking out because his gameboy's screen got cracked!" Mello yelled, glaring.

"HE broke it! My other one died! Now what do I play?" Matt explained, scowling.

The old man sighed in exasperation. "First of all, you shouldn't have been up in the first place! Second, you will get another gameboy if you stop trying to kill him," he said, letting Matt go. He looked at Mello. "And YOU need to leave other's belongings alone! Next item you destroy your paying for! Now both of you apologize and go to bed so I can - everyone can go back to sleep."

The two boys continued to glare at each other silently.

"Now, or I'll suspend your chocolate and video game privleges!"

"...Sorry," Mello muttered.

"Yeah, sorry," Matt mumbled.

"Good. Now go to bed." Rodger turned off the light and left the room.

The next morning Matt got a new gameboy and the two boys were back to their usual mischief as if nothing had happened.

**I suppose I should explain why I made Matt ooc in this. For one thing, I wanted to do something where the kids wake Rodger from a dream about kids being declared illegal. Second, let's face it, if you're a gamer and someone ruins/breaks/steals your video games and/or console(s), you're gonna get pretty angry. I would. Lastly, it seems to me like I made Mello hurt Matt and he just let it slide earlier in the story. So, an ooc Matt is the result of this.**

**I'll try to get a better one out soon. On another note, I never left a disclaimer for Willy Wonka and Toy Story. I don't own those. And thanks for all favorites/alerts/reviews!**


	19. Apple Juice

**I despise writer's block... I haven't felt like writing my other ideas, couldn't get the inspiration for more, and school has been taking up my time during the week. I'm not sure how funny anyone'll find this, but I got to kind of torture Light, so I'm happy. To all Light fans: don't worry, I didn't do anything too bad to him.**

It was a quiet Saturday morning at the Yagami house. Soichiro was at work, Sachiko was out buying groceries, and Sayu was still sleeping. Light was in the kitchen, searching for something to eat while his mother was out. They were out of milk so cereal wasn't an option... No butter or jam meant no toast... No orange juice either... They were even out of potato chips!

Ryuk was also searching the kitchen. He opened random cupboards, flung unwanted food out, slammed them shut, and moved on to the freezer.

"We're out of apples. Stop making a mess and so much noise," Light snapped.

"Your mom had better buy more. I haven't had a single apple since yesterday. I'm gonna start going through withdrawls!" the shinigami shouted, arms feeling like they were going to twist and beginning to feel the urge to do a cartwheel.

"She will, she will," Light grumbled, opening the fridge again. "She thinks I love apples now thanks to you."

"Yeah, well - " he stopped mid-sentence. Ryuk looked at Light curiously. "Light, what's that?" He pointed to the container labled 'Apple Juice'.

Light took the container out of the fridge. "It's apple juice. Sayu wanted it but she hasn't touched it since Mom bought it. Think this'll calm your apple cravings?"

"Apple juice? They turned apples into juice?" Ryuk tilted his head. "What was wrong with the apples before they got turned into juice?"

The murderer sighed, getting frustrated. He wanted breakfast already. He'd skipped dinner to write more names in the Death Note and was starting to regret it. "Nothing. It's a drink. A drink made from apples. Hence the name '_apple_ juice'."

"No need to get cranky, Light. Lemme try some," the shinigami laughed at his frustration, snatching the container. He uncapped the cap and chugged the juice down his throat.

"Gross," Light said. "Other people might drink that, you know."

Light's response was having the juice spit in his face.

"This is terrible! Apple juice doesn't taste the way apples do!" Ryuk threw the open container on the floor, spilling it on the table, Light's shirt, and of course the floor, before flying back up to Light's bedroom.

Light just stood there, arms stretched away from his body, in utter disgust. Stupid shinigami. He would have to take a second shower now.

That was when the front door opened. His mother entered the house and came into the kitchen, groceries in hand. She did a double-take at the sight before her. Her kitchen was a mess and at the center of it was her son, covered in juice. Naturally, she wondered why he was covered in juice, but at the moment only one thing was in her mind; Light had destroyed her kitchen.

"Light Yagami!" she exclaimed.

"Remind me to never let Ryuk find out about other apple products," he muttered to himself.

"What was that?" Sachiko asked sternly.

"I'm really sorry, Mom. I'll clean this mess up and put away the groceries for you," he said instead.

Standing on the stair case, Ryuk laughed as Light began cleaning up the mess while his mother lectured him, munching on the apple he'd snatched when Light's mom hadn't been looking. Humans and their strange apple ideas were interesting. Especially when Light suffered the consequences.

**You know what, until I get more ideas of my own, I think I'll start taking requests. I do have the right to not write it (I'll PM you or leave it in an author note in that case) but if my readers want something done for the next chapter or few, leave it in a review! If I end up writing it, I'll credit you and I'll try to get it out quickly and will try to make sure it's good quality. I apologize in advance if it doesn't reach your standards.  
Just a few rules:  
1. I don't write yaoi/yuri.  
2. Keep it T or under.  
3. For fluff, I'll only attempt canon pairings (ex. Raye/Naomi, onesided Light/Misa) or NearxLinda. Sorry.  
4. If it's not already obvious, specify if you want it to be funny or serious or something challenging like my Seven Deadly Sins chap.  
I don't know how long I'll do this. Just until I get my inspiration back. Till then, go ahead and leave something for me!**


	20. Pregnant

**Okey-dokey, this was a request from **_**Acuarius-Ravenclaw Paot**_**. He/She requested a romantic/comic reunion between Near and Linda after the Kira case. I kind of had to rack my brain for a few days before I could really start it. I don't really find it too funny but I did try to put some humor into it. I hope I didn't disapoint you, **_**Acuarius-Ravenclaw Paot**_**!  
Also, if you've never had 'the talk', some kind of health class explaination, or anything of the sort, you won't understand the ending that well.** **Which is why this chapter is rated T!**

Rodger watched Near leave the investigation building again through the security cameras. For the last year and a half he had been randomly getting up and leaving, not bothering to tell anyone where he was going. He wouldn't tell Rodger where he was going whenever he confronted the younger boy either. It was childish.

True, Near was an adult now, but he was also the new L; they couldn't afford for him to go missing or get killed while he was out. At the very least he should tell someone where he was going!

It had first started a few months after C-Kira had appeared. There was a gas leak in the investigation building. They had to evacuate the building for two days while the leak was fixed. Near first disappeared while Rodger had been yelling at one of the workers. He didn't reappear until they were allowed back inside. After scolding the white-haired young man, he'd demanded his whereabouts for the last two days. The response given to him was a cold stare and being told to get back to work; after all, they had a case to complete and had lost too much precious time.

Two months later the case was solved. After reporting his evidence to the client, Near just got up, knowing Rodger would be watching him through the security cameras, and left, only to return a few hours later. Three weeks later he did it again. Three months later the process repeated. It kept going and going until his last leaving.

Since Near would not tell him where he was going, Rodger had called one of the boy's former agents - that hotshot formally known as Gevanni - and had him follow Near and plant a hidden camera and wire there. (Of course he had to pay Loud triple his salary to do it.) Rodger was a little worried Near knew he was going to be spying, especially since his last disappearance was just two days ago. But what could he do if Near knew? Nothing. So he pushed the thought aside.

Rodger waited twenty minutes (the time Loud had said it took Near to arrive at his destination) before accessing the computer linked to the camera and wire.

The screen showed a living room. It wasn't anything luxorious nor shabby. Sitting on the couch sketching a picture was a blonde young woman. She looked oddly familiar... There was a knock on the door. She set the sketch book down on the coffe table and got up to answer the door.

"Hi, Near," she greeted.

"Hello, Linda." Near walked into view of the camera.

Linda! That was right. The artist girl that had grown up in Wammy's House and was now a successful artist. The only one who actually tried to get Near to partcipate in physical activity. He was leaving at random to meet _her_?

"I wasn't expectanting to see you again so soon," she commented. "Do you want something to drink?"

For the next forty-five minutes they sat on her couch, chatting and drinking coffee (or in Near's case, saying something every so often and playing with an action figure he'd brought with him). Rodger was never aware that the two had ever really been friends as children so he didn't expect them to meet now. Why were they meeting now? Then again, he doubted he would ever get an answer.

Either way, if this was where Near went everytime he left then there was no problem. It was unlikely he would go missing or be murdered there and Rodger knew exactly where he was. Case closed. Now he just had to convince Loud to remove the camera and wire -

"Near, do you remember when the last we had sex was?" Linda suddenly asked.

What! Rodger didn't need to know their relation was on that level. Time to turn off the camera and wire -

"Yes. Two months ago. Why?" he said, glancing up from his action figure.

"You know what a period is?"

"I may look like a child but that doesn't mean I don't know what that is."

"Okay," she blushed. "Well, I've missed my last two periods."

He looked up at her now. "... So?"

She faced-palmed. "I bought a pregnacy test the other day. Guess what the result was."

"..." He just stared at her blankly.

"I'm pregnant."

_Thump!_ That was the sound of Rodger fainting and falling out of his chair.

In Linda's living room Near and Linda waited a few minutes before Near stood up and removed the hidden camera and wire. He'd seen Gevanni follow him to Linda's and had bribed him the same amount Rodger was paying (and threatened to him to strip him of his current job) to tell him what was going on. Near had figured the old man would try to pull something sooner or later, but spying on him this way wasn't his first thought.

When the gas leak had forced them to evacuate the investigation buiding Linda had been out taking a walk. She happened to be walking in their direction when she spotted Near stacking legos on the sidewalk and Rodger yelling at someone. The old man failed to notice her presence as she spoke with Near. She invited him to stay with her while they were fixing the leak. She figured that he had told Rodger at some point and didn't worry about whether the former caretaker knew or not.

"I would think he's learned his lesson. He does dislike the thought of children," Near commented.

Linda laughed. "Yeah. I wonder if he fainted?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. Good idea pretending to be pregnant, by the way."

"Yeah. About that - " Linda was suddenly hugging him from behind and waving a used pregnacy test in front of his face. "I wasn't kidding."

She felt him tense up, frozen in shock. She giggled at his reaction and kissed his cheek.

**Bleh, it's better than my first try but I really don't think I did too well on the humor part. Oh, and I know some people would argue Linda is a brunette, but since her hair isn't shaded in in her manga appearence and we don't know for sure the one girl in the relight is Linda, I just go with the idea that she's blonde.**


End file.
